It's Not Africa, but. . .

A truck, forgiveness and the Father's heart

2012-01-24T11:26:00.001-06:00

I had an interesting experience this morning. As I dropped kids off at daycare today, Mary told Isaac he could keep his coat on because he needed to go out back and put away the truck he left out yesterday. I found out that he told her he had put away.

His face was almost disbelieving that he had to go out and do that, but then it hit him that he had lied and that Mary & I were disappointed in his choice.

He dutifully walked around to the backyard and put the truck away and then came back inside. His face when he came in made me want to hug him and say everything is okay, but instead I kindly, but firmly (I hope) told him to go say sorry to Mary for lying. He buried his head in my legs and asked me to go with him. I said I would. He still didn't move - you could feel fear coming from him. I quietly told him that Mary would forgive him and that he needed to say sorry. So we went up the stairs and Isaac quietly said "Sorry", to which Mary quickly and graciously responded, "I forgive you Isaac."

Wow, it was so hard to watch my sweet boy reap the consequences of sin. Because we can use any other word, lying, being naughty, bad behaviour, etc., but the truth of the matter is that what he did was sin.

After Mary said she forgave him and I was getting ready to go, I could tell Isaac was still pretty sober and somewhat hesitant to go to Mary and start the day. I was so thankful that I had the opportunity to teach him about forgiveness in the midst of this. I told him that when he said sorry and Mary forgave him; it means that she is no longer upset and she forgets about what he did.

He settled into the couch to read a book with Mary and the other kids and as I drove away I saw his smiling face waving at me. That did my heart a world of good knowing that Mary did the right thing holding Isaac accountable and I did the right thing by not diminishing his behavior. . . but man it was hard!!

I continue to ponder this situation today and the emotions it envokes in me.

Does God's heart hurt as much as mine did watching Isaac reap the consequences (however small) of his sin? Does God want to leap in and say, "No, it's okay, don't worry about it" so that we (His children) don't feel that pain of discipline, even though He know we need it? Deuteronomy 8:5 says, "Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the LORD your God disciplines you for your own good."

I don't have an answer, but I do know that I am thankful for God's forgiveness through Jesus Christ. I am thankful that I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children who daily teach me more about God and challenge me. I am thankful for Mary, who loves (disciplines), cares (corrects) and prays for our kids.

Oh and parenting is tough. End of story.

I once was lost, but now I'm found

2011-11-02T10:37:00.000-05:00

As I sit today at my temporary office inside a local church, I can hear infants crying (church has daycare center).

It makes me miss my babies.

I text Mary (beyond awesome caregiver to my kids) and ask how kids are - because I miss them and in this moment of hearing babies cry and sitting alone in a big (freezing cold) room, I question so many things.

And then I get these:

I cry, send mushy texts back for Mary to read to the kids and I ask God,

"Are you sure I am doing what I am supposed to be doing?"

"Why have you created me the way that I am with the desires I have?"

As I struggled to gain my footing emotionally, I had the thought, I once was lost, but now I am found.

"But God, how can I be found when one minute I feel confident and sure in Your plan and my steps and the next I am fearful, unsure and feel like I have completely missed the boat. Aren't I the textbook definition of one who is lost?"

lost:

-having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.

-not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted

-being something that someone has failed to win

I look at those definitions (courtesy of dictionary.com) and I think, "yep, that's me." But God says differently. He says,

“Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ Luke 15:4-6

find/found:

-to locate, attain, or obtain by search or effort

-to locate or recover (something lost or misplaced)

-to discover or perceive after consideration

-to gain or regain the use of

-equipped, outfitted, or furnished

I am not a theologian (not a surprise to many of you), but this is how I felt God spoke to me through this. When I was lost, (astray; missing the way; bewildered as to place, direction; not used to good purpose), God came after me and searched until He FOUND (located, attained, obtained by search, effort; recovered; discovered or perceived at consideration; gained or regained use of; equipped, outfitted, furnished) ME.

I may still feel bewildered, astray and not used to good purpose, but God sees me as a discovered, equipped, furnished child that He rejoices over and shows off to His friends.

Wow. I get choked up typing that.

God is so good and loving and I am overwhelmed with Him and his love and presence, even here in this big empty (still freezing) temporary office.

Change anyone?

2011-10-30T13:36:00.000-05:00

Hello?

Anyone out there?

Since it has been months since I last blogged, I am unsure how many people will still be reading.

But if you are still reading (thank you!), there have been some awesome changes happening in our lives and I am so excited to share. One of the small changes will be this blog - I got connected with an awesome set of sisters who run a blog design business and they are working on redesigning this blog for me. For those of you who know me personally, you know design and anything technical are not my strong points.

Another change to this blog is that it will now serve as a window into our leap into missions.

(Pause for dramatic effect)

Yes, missions.

The following is a portion of a letter we sent to some of our friends and family (and if you didn't get one, it wasn't because we don't consider you a friend or family. . . it is because my memory is shot lately). I figured to save the time, energy and repetitiveness I would just copy the heart of the message for you - my blogging friends.

You probably already know about an organization called Impact World Tour (IWT). IWT provides an effective and relevant means for the local church to express Christ’s message using international performing arts and sporting groups in campaign style evangelism. It's a ministry of Youth With A Mission (YWAM) a long standing, well respected ministry.

Did you know that only 4% of our young people attend church on a regular basis? Our hearts were stirred when we heard that, and began to look at our local schools and our community to see so many of our youth without hope.

So where does IWT fit in?

Mark & I strongly believe in the mission of IWT as they meet the challenge of sharing the Gospel in a relevant way. I began volunteering with them in February and God has opened doors for us within IWT. I have recently left my full-time employment to begin serving with IWT as a missionary (there are no paid staff) for the outreach this fall in the Red River Valley. With that tour completed, I am now working with tour events in surrounding communities such as Grand Forks, Jamestown, Watertown, Minot, Bismarck, St. Cloud, Duluth and more through 2012 and beyond.

In early October, the IWT performance teams performed at over 40 school assemblies; and in nursing homes, churches and public venues like Scheels Arena! Thousands of lives were changed as a result.

We heard countless stories of people responding the the Gospel for the first time. One woman had been praying for her husband for 30 years and at one of the events, he came forward and surrendered his life to God. Another man shared how his 6 year old son responded to Christ and on the drive home told his dad, "I can't believe I get to live for Jesus, Dad! I graduated to Jesus!"

My major responsibility was to train and equip believers to talk and pray with students at the public events. I also coordinated small groups/neighborhood centers. These will be held in homes, at coffee shops, the library etc. and will provide students with love, acceptance and teach them more about God and His plan for their lives.

This is a giant step of faith for Mark & me and our family, but one we know that God has led us to take. We covet your prayers in this season and are so thankful for our great network of family and friends who support us.

So, there you have it. We are super excited and yet a little scared. It is easy to say that we trust God in everything; finances, health, relationships, etc. But we are discovering it's easier to say you trust God when you really don't, than actually trusting God because you have to!

My goal for this blog will be to keep all of you up to date on our life in missions and what is happening with IWT. And yes, I will still post silly stories and cute pictures of our kids. After all, I still seek delight and peace in all things and am thrilled at the journey we are embarking on.

In a perfect world. . .

2011-06-27T15:07:00.000-05:00

. . .I would wake up each morning when my alarm went off (not 20 minutes later), pop out of bed, feeling rested and ready to conquer the day.

. . .my kids would not whine. Ever.

. . .someone would come in and wash my hair and fix it for me every morning, while I sipped coffee and read.

. . .I would find fullfillment in everything I'm doing and where I am at, instead of feeling like I am just going through the motions in some areas.

. . .dishes would clean themselves.

. . .and so would clothes, floors, bathrooms (especially toilets), dogs, etc.

. . .I would never obsessively worry about things I have no control over.

. . .I would not work a 8 to 5 job.

. . .my kids would never get sick, hurt, or scared.

. . .I would not care what people think of me, instead of just pretending not to care what people think and then inside being terrified that they won't like me.

This list could go on and on. And probably about more important things like salvation, world hunger, crime, etc., but for now and in my little world, this is where I am.

I feel like we (Mark & I and family) are in a time of transition.

What's changing you ask?

Nothing.

Nothing at all except for a sense of movement in our hearts and minds.

Towards what you ask?

No idea.

Not a clue.

See how informative I am today?

All I do know is that I am remaining open to change and trying to remain open even if that change is not what I had in mind (even though I don't have anything in mind).

Whew!

Annoyed with what I am trying to say but failing at miserably???

Welcome to my brain.

It's raining, it's pouring. . .

2011-05-20T15:54:00.000-05:00

Seriously, why does it have to rain this weekend? Although I am so ready for the weekend, it doesn't kill my mood too much.

WARNING: Random Post

*I am working at my 2nd seasonal job at a greenhouse tomorrow and Sunday, but if the weather is crummy, I may not be working as long. Either way, it is a fun job and although I miss the kids a ton, I still get time with them both days-just not as much as normal weekends.

*Some friends are coming to stay with us tonight. Jason is running on a relay team for the Fargo Marathon - better him than me! They have 2 little boys, so the kids should have a blast playing together.

*Last night we learned why having a birthday party in the evening right up until bedtime is a bad idea. . . . let's just say that after a few "I can't believe I just did that" moments in parenting, taking away a toy for today and countless times out of bed, Isaac fell asleep around 8:50pm. . . . ugh.

We are struggling with how to deal with a few certain behaviors - whining being the main one. Isaac is such a good kid and I have said before, I think that almost makes his bad behavior worse because we are just not used to it! His whining in the last few weeks has reached an all time high and what has worked in the past is no longer working. So, back to the drawing board. He responds really well to incentives and positive praise. Sticker charts have worked in the past for things like staying in bed and going to bed like a 'big boy', so maybe we can figure out how to use one for whining or the lack of whining.

*Went to get my stitches out today and found out my arm is infected, so 10 days of antibiotics here I come. . . . .just hoping my arm is healed by the time I have to have the excision on my back. . .if not, I do not know how I will sleep since my first one was on my left arm and the one on my back is on my back/right side. Oh well, I am so very thankful to be catching this stuff now.

Well, that is the end of my random post - have a great weekend!

Surreal

2011-05-19T10:26:00.000-05:00

At this point 3 years ago, I was in a surreal place. I had just hit the call button and when the nurse's voice came through I said, "Um, I have a question about my son-could someone come down here?"

My son.

Wow-saying those words for the first time the morning he was born felt so strange. I thought the nurse would come in and say, "You don't have a son, that was just a dream!"

Of course that day and for many after I had lots and lots and lots of questions. Should he be making those noises when he sleeps? Should he really be spitting up this much? Did he really have to pee on my toast and poop on my pants simultaneously our first night at home?

But that feeling of having a son - of being a parent - still at times feels so surreal.

Especially today, on his 3rd birthday. How am I the mom to a 3 year old little boy who is the most intelligent, kind, inquisitive, impatient boy I know?

He amazes me everyday with the things he asks and the knowledge he absorbs. He is independent and yet needs to know that we are there always encouraging, watching, praising him. He is a great big brother and is so gentle with Piper - except of course when she has something he wants.

He loves to read bible stories - especially the one about "dem bones" (Ezekiel) - and he has his nightly prayer memorized.

"Dear Jesus, Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Piper, Marley, Grandpa Paul, Grandma Liz, Grandpa Leo, Michelle, Mike, Lorrie, Samantha, Clay, Zachary, Matthew, Olivia, Gail, Ryan, Riley, Jacob, Joy, Mary, Steve, Samuel, Frederik, Samuel's Grandma & Grandpa, Ian, Khloe, Kahlea, Grace, Holly, Isabelle, Max, Isla, Levi, Amanda, Alyssa, Melissa, Cory, Harry, Maggie, Shane & Jill and everyone who loves me. In Jesus name, Amen!"

Isaac Mark I love you more than words could ever express. You are the delight of my heart and I pray daily that God draws you to Him and that He teaches your Daddy and me how to guide you through this life. You are a blessing to everyone you meet. Have a wonderful 3rd birthday, Bubba!

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?

2011-05-12T13:28:00.000-05:00

Did you guys ever watch that show? I used to watch it after school. . . and then there was another show too that I watched that had a lady cop in it. . .maybe. . .totally blanking out on the name-help anyone? Anywho, that is a totally random thought, but it fits perfectly with my life lately.

Just a run down of where I have been, what I have been doing. These are listed in no particular order.

1) The Puke Fest of 2011
This event started with my lovely daughter puking up spaghetti all over her crib one Friday night. . . . and then she continued to puke. . . .one key thing to note is that earlier in the evening she had smashed her head on a hard plastic corner of a bin in the living room (yes, we had an empty, totally pointless, bin out in the living room. Why? Why not???). And of course as all slightly neurotic mothers know, if a child pukes more than 2 times after hitting their head, you need to have them looked at-so a phone call was made to my parents who came over to stay with Isaac (who thankfully slept through all of this) and Mark & I were off to the ER with Piper. Oh did I mention she puked in the van on the way to the hospital? And then again while we were sitting in the waiting room? And again once we got back in the room to see the sweet ER doc?? Yes, it was quite a night.
By the time we got to the ER she had a fever, so the doctor figured it was something viral and just a coincidence that she had hit her head, but he wanted to be sure, so off to get a CT scan we went. I will not tell you what an awful experience that was. . . .everything from me having to pin down my child to the incredibly rude, obnoxious, jerk of a CT tech guy who was 'helping' us (and yes, he did glare at me when I was unable to hold my screaming, terrified, 18 month old child perfectly still while a loud, large, scary looking machine circled around her head-my apologies you giant jerk). If you haven't noticed, I may have some unresolved anger at that man. But, thankfully we got it done (with Mark & I holding Piper down-yeah, I didn't sleep that night because I kept seeing her horrified face) and the tests showed she was fine. So, we took her home and she slept on and off all night.
Cue Saturday morning. . . . Isaac spikes a temp and Piper keeps puking, so off I went to Walgreen's to fill her prescription of Zofran and we tucked in for a day of sick kids. Little did we know that this was just the beginning.
To make this incredibly long story and even longer week short, I will summarize by saying that I got sick Sunday and by the end of the week we (and by we I mostly mean Mark) had cleaned up more puke and diarrhea than any person should ever have to deal with. It.Was.AWFUL. The only one not to get sick was Mark, but we both missed a week of work. Some people take vacations-our family gets sick.

2) Dave Ramsey gazelle intense debt pay off.
This event has started with me getting a seasonal 2nd job. I work at a greenhouse for about 8 weeks this summer - it is so fun!! I love being outside and working with so many different people. It also makes for a very, very crazy schedule and not a lot of family time. But it is only for a season and we know that being debt free is so very important to our future.

3) Volunteering
I have taken a pretty big volunteer role for an event that is coming to our area this fall. This is in an area that I used to dream about doing and so having the opportunity to do it, well, it's like God is giving me some of my dreams back. I am sure I will be talking more about this event as it gets closer, but it is the opportunity to share the Gospel with people in a real, relevant, culturally current way. It is bringing churches from all denominations together for one goal and purpose, setting aside theological differences for the ultimate goal of reaching people, specifically young people, with the Gospel and the love of Christ.

4) C-word
I went to my dermatologist a month or so ago to have him check out 3 moles. I am a moley (not sure if that is a word) person and have had moles removed before-they all check out fine, no big deal. But, my chiropractor and an urgent care doc had both said I should get this one particular mole checked out. So, in I went, off they came and they said they would send me a letter or call with the results. Okay I thought and put it our of my mind. Fast forward a few days and I get a call from dermatology. She says we have the results and proceeds to tell me the first 2 moles are fine, but the 3rd (actually 3rd & 4th since what I thought was 1 mole was actually 2) were moderately atypical and the doctor would like you to come back in so he can do an excision. Ummm, okay. She said, "It's not cancer, but it could become cancer. . . or it could stay how it is forever, but we just like to be cautious." Ummmmm, okay. And so off I went a week later to have an excision (which I had no idea what they were going to do). When I got to my appt., my doctor explained that if white is not cancer and black is cancer, my cells in this mole were gray. And sometimes cells are mildly gray and sometimes cells are moderately gray. Guess which I had? Yep. . . so he cut a big chunk out of my arm along with some healthy cells so that they could test and make sure they got everything. He also took a sample of another mole on my back to biopsy. This was last Friday. I got a call yesterday (I am starting to dread phone calls from a certain phone number) and the great news is they got all the "pre-cancer" cells from my arm. . . .the not so great news is that the one on my back is moderately atypical and so I need to have another excision. . . . and I found another mole that has been changing so they will biopsy that one as well when I go in. The doctor said the more you atypical moles you have, the closer they watch you, but it doesn't mean I am guaranteed to get cancer.
The crazy thing about all this is that I really am at peace. . . .and most people wouldn't describe me as a calm, peaceful person in times of stress. But I am truly resting in the Lord and understanding that He knows what is going on. I also know that He is my Healer.

5)-8) Garage Sale, Travel, Family Visiting, Birthday
We had a garage sale that we decided to do at the last minute-not fun to be pricing things at midnight (which is why all the baby clothes were $.50!!). But we had a great turn out - debt be gone!!
Mark & I are going out of town tomorrow morning and the kids are staying with Grandma & Grandpa-I haven't packed a single thing and we are leaving the house at 6:15 tomorrow morning.
Mark's sister is coming into town tonight - our house is well, less than company ready, so it's a good thing she's family!!
And Isaac's 3rd b-day is next week. . . and I just started planning it this week.

So. . . .that is where I have been. Whew!

What do you want?

2011-04-29T09:24:00.000-05:00

I am here - just trying to catch my breath from all the stuff that has been happening. I would love to post what all we have been up to, but I don't have time right now! ha!

What I would love though is to hear from you (if anyone is left. . .hello?).

I want to hear what you want me to write about. Do you have any questions for me? Suggestions, ideas, comments, etc. . . . all are welcome!

So, let me hear from you!

And I promise to be back to my regular blogging schedule, sooner than later, I hope!

Everybody Pukes. . .

2011-04-15T17:00:00.000-05:00

. . .I am alive and kicking. . . although I will say if I never, ever in a million years have to smell vomit again. . . . I will die a happy woman.

More to come on our last 7 days (yes, 7) in the Jacobson household.

Seeking the Dreamer

2011-04-07T14:08:00.001-05:00

I know it has been a while since my last post. I also know I have yet to share my outrageous hair pics and since I just got a pretty drastic haircut the other day, I will try to post of picture of that too.

BUT. . . . can I just tell on God for a little bit? I try my hardest for this blog to be real and open and about who I really am and who I am trying to become. I am a wife, mother, employee, woman who loves to read, hates to clean, is a wee bit sarcastic every now and again and ~~often~~ occasionally sticks her foot in her mouth. I am also a Christian, which should define me more than any other role.

I love to dream. Ask my parents. As a child/teenager, I had HUGE dreams and plans. . . but would be unable to get my homework for the next day done. Too much head in the clouds and too little feet on the ground.

I would love to say I have learned better and in a lot of ways I have. But I think what has changed more is my dreams. I tend to dream realistically now. I dream of the day the kids go to school, the day we can go on a big all out family vacation, I dream of my kids getting married, having babies. I dream of Mark & I traveling when we are empty-nesters.

In the past few months I have felt a drawing to something more. More of what, I don't know. But recent events have caused me to look back to a time in my life where I dreamed really big dreams and I wonder if God has plans for me in that.

I was recently talking to a youth pastor from Ohio who said to me, "Seek the Dreamer and He will restore your dreams."

God is the ultimate Dreamer. He dreams about us before we were born, He dreams about our future. I have to believe that God gifts us with our gifts and callings for a purpose and the dreams He gives line up with those gifts.

I too often have sought after the dream, instead of the Dreamer. I want my dreams, the realistic, the huge, the small, and the crazy all to line up with the Dreamer.

I have started to more intentionally seek the Dreamer and in the last few weeks, I feel like God is restoring my dreams. God has moved me in some small ways and some big ways to get me where He wants me. My prayer is to continue to seek the Dreamer as I work towards my dreams. My prayer is that I would be a reflection of Him in everything I do.

Who do you seek? What do you dream?

Opens a door, opens a window

2011-03-30T14:53:00.001-05:00

I love how God works - actually I can acknowledge loving how God works more in hindsight. Often times in the midst of His working I feel like. . . .well, like I don't love it so much! But regardless, He is at work in all of our lives.

My word for this year as many of you know is delight. Delighted in God, delightful towards others, finding delight in the everyday ordinary of life, etc.

In this process I am trying to be more aware of God and how He longs to be a part of my life, minute by minute, day by day. I have heard my whole Christian life about how important relationship is with God and I feel as though I am just lately grasping that. Yes, I am a slow learner at times.

I long to be with Mark, to talk to him, to sit with him, to be silly with him, etc. Why? Because I love him and I want our relationship to be strong. I also argue with Mark, ask for forgiveness from Mark, and get frustrated with Mark. Why? Because I am human, imperfect and I make mistakes, but try to make up for those mistakes too.

Why not take those same simple principles of my relationship with Mark and apply them to my relationship with God? I realize to many of you this is not profound. Again, I am not a quick learner at times.

And yet I realize for myself that this simple thing is hard at times. It is hard to change your mindset from God being everywhere and everything to everyone to being God who is with me, for me, about me always.

In this process of involving God in my everyday ordinary, I have begun to recognize His handiwork in so many ways. As I have mentioned here, Mark and I are working to get debt free and stick to a budget that allows us to do that.

I had a lunch meeting yesterday that I needed to be at, but did not have the money in the budget for - ugh. So, I went through some stuff in our storage closet and found a few things to sell at a resale store in town. Thank God - and I truly was thankful for God providing in this way.

Well, I went to my meeting, enjoyed lunch and someone else at the table picked up the tab! Yay! I was even more thankful for God providing in this way!! So, I took the money from the items I had sold and deposited it in the bank. . . guess God wanted that money to go towards debt!

Also while going through the boxes in storage, I came across a gift card to McDonald's for $10. Mark & I have stopped eating out at lunch and so I thought, "Yay, a lunch date where we can eat something other than PB & J!" So, Mark & I made plans to go out to McD's for lunch today.

This morning I remembered that at an event for Big Brother, Big Sister we had each received a coupon for a free large sandwich at McDonald's - so I looked through my purse and there they were! So, we got 2 free sandwiches, fries and 2 drinks for $4. . . and can go to McD's another day with the other $6 on the gift card.

Now, would these things not have happened if I hadn't been aware and involving God in my everyday ordinary? Probably. Maybe not though. But would I have recognized them as God's handiwork and given Him praise for them? No.

God opens doors and windows for us all the time. We are His children and He loves us. I also think He wants us to acknowledge Him in those little things too. In the same way I love to hear my 2 year old thank me for dinner; even though I would give him dinner even if he didn't, God love to hear his kids thank Him for things He does; even though He would do it anyway. *Whew, grammatically that may be the worst sentence ever, but you get my point, right?

How have you seen God in the little (and big) areas of your life?

Winner!!!

2011-03-29T08:57:00.001-05:00

We have a winner!! I went to random.org and entered the number of entrants - and Amber is the big winner!!! Congrats! I will email you a time to drop off your prize - thanks everyone for playing!

In other news, I am super excited that our kids slept through the night last night. I am also more sure than ever that they conspire against us on the nights they get up (like last night). Seriously, it seems to be so well planned so that Mark & I get no sleep, it's borderline ridiculous.

But, I am focusing on being thankful that they slept! Whoo Hoo! What are you thankful for?

**I have not forgotten about posting a picture of one of my many hair disasters. . . .but that will come later today. . . . so be sure to check back!**

I am so offended

2011-03-28T13:55:00.000-05:00

I remember when I was a teenager, hearing a man talk about how he felt he was being drawn to God. He had a new desire to learn more about God, to learn what faith in Him was.

This man said he was invited to church by a friend and the preacher at this church was the exact type of Christian that had driven this man away from church, faith and God. He was loud, flamboyant, waved his arms around and shouted, "Hallelujah!" every other word it seemed. This man decided after attending one service that he would not be back to this church and maybe he should rethink this desire for God.

Funniest thing though. . . he was drawn back to hear this man preach a week or so later. He couldn't explain what drew him to go again. . . he just knew he had to be there. This preacher did all the same offensive things and the man sat in his chair growing more and more frustrated and annoyed.

"Why would God, if there is a God, use this man who so obviously annoys me? Does God not want me?"

But as this preacher continued to speak, God softened the heart of this man. He opened his ears to hear what God was saying through this man, regardless of the style of delivery. This man ended up coming to a faith in Christ through this preacher.

Here is what gets me about this story. The man, who is now a pastor himself, still dislikes the style of preaching that is loud, flamboyant, and "Hallelujahs" every other word. He even admitted that he still has a hard time listening to the preacher who led him to Christ preach. He would rather do many things than listen to someone like that.

But, he said (and I am paraphrasing), "I learned to be open to whatever God has for me, regardless of the form or vessel it comes in. I have learned that I can be offended by someone or something and God can and will still use that."

I have thought of this so often over the years and again recently as I have been in some situations where I am just put off by someone's remarks, attitude or style. I remind myself that God is still God and he uses any willing vessel (even the annoying ones) to accomplish His purpose. My job is to be open and willing to listen.

Giveaway time!

2011-03-25T14:35:00.004-05:00

I am jumping on the blog wagon and doing a giveaway! I have never won any of the giveaways that I have entered, but I still think they are fun (especially PW's)!

So my giveaway is one set (2) of Sakura Votive Holders from PartyLite!

Cherry blossoms symbolize peace, which makes the Sakura Votive Holder a vital accent for any home. A stylish etched cherry blossom pattern laces a glass votive cup, producing a dazzling glow. (3" high)

How to win:
In the comments of this blog, tell me about your worst hair disaster! We have all been there. . . and I have many many photos of my many many disasters! I promise to post a pic of myself when I announce the winner. If you are one of the few (if any) who have never experienced a hair disaster (or are just too embarrassed), tell me your favorite color.

I will leave this giveaway open until Monday at 5pm and then announce the winner Tuesday, March 29. I will use random.org to choose the winner.

Votive holders will be shipped (or delivered if you live in town) at my expense.

Tell your friends, family, co-workers, etc. - the more the merrier!

Say what?

2011-03-22T10:14:00.001-05:00

"What's up chicken butt?"

For the last few weeks I have had this really obnoxious phrase stuck in my head. I honestly don't even know where it came from. I think I can blame it on my good friend Deanna for starting it. . . .or maybe it was my good friend Christina. . . . but really as long as I can blame its origination on someone other than me, it's all good.

Seriously, I know it's immature, doesn't make a lot of sense and all that, but I crack up every time I think about it! I think we used to use it as a greeting in high school/college - yes we were that cool.

Phrases and sayings are kind of like scents or music. They can bring you back to a certain time in your life, or bring up certain emotions and thoughts.

In Bible college (yes I went to Bible college) I had a professor who used to say "Bless God!" in this crazy, southern Baptist type voice - he would also say, "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall be flexed!" Whenever I think of those phrases (usually at times of stress), I am reminded of this man of God and how he seemed to take everything in stride and with a touch of humor.

There are tons of other phrases and sayings, but my mind is overflowing with other stuff at the moment, so instead I want to hear from you. What are some phrases that bring you back in time? Or just phrases that you love or hate?

**Update** My reference to "crazy southern Baptist voice" had nothing to do with the Baptist (or southern Baptist) denomination or people who go to a Baptist church. . . . just what pops into my mind when I think of my professor!

A weekend in review

2011-03-21T13:21:00.000-05:00

Whew! Monday already? This past weekend was the type where when I get to work on Monday, it is almost like having a break! At least for the first few minutes!

We had a busy weekend, but at the same time it was one of the best weekends.

Friday night started with a "date night" for Mark & I. We had to miss last Wednesday's Financial Peace University because our babysitter had to go out of town at the last minute. Thankfully, we get one free lesson on Dave Ramsey's website, so Friday night my mom watched the kids and we went to my parents house to watch Lesson 3 of FPU.

This lesson is the nuts and bolts of FPU - the budget (cue horror movie music).

Mark & I have tried to create a budget for the last year, if not longer. We create one, then life happens and bam, budget gone. Or we create one and then a pair of shoes, latte, tool, etc. comes calling and we just have to have it.

I have heard people question the cost of FPU (it is usually $100 for the course). I myself questioned it before hearing people I knew go through the course and witness their lives transformed. For me, learning to budget, realistically budget, is worth every last penny of the $100. Budgeting has been a struggle for me personally all my life and that has carried into married life as well.

So, back to this weekend. Mark & I watched Lesson 3 on Friday night and then planned to pound out the budget on Saturday night after the kids went to bed.

Saturday morning brought us swimming lessons, playtime, lunch and naps for EVERYONE (whoo hoo!). Saturday late afternoon, my brother brought his boys (ages 5 & 8) over for a sleepover.

Any thought I may have once had (prior to having any kids) to have 4 kids. . . yeah, long gone!!! And all the kids were pretty well behaved, but oh man, it was a lot of work! But we played and built towers with Lego's, ate supper, had ice cream, watched a little bit of a movie and then tried to get all 4 kids to bed at the same time. Whew!

By this time we got settled into our room to start the budget I was weary, but ready to tackle the budget! And that enthusiasm lasted until we started to figure out really how much money we had vs. what we wanted!

It was tough but after about an hour, we had it down. DR advice is to use a zero based budget - give every dollar a name before the month begins. This is a challenge - especially for those of us who tend to use the guessing game for budgeting (I know we aren't the only ones out there going, now what do we pay when??). But thankfully with the help of online bank statements, finding old paid bills in the stack of unorganized mess we call a filing system, we did it!

After falling asleep Saturday night, we were woken up once by EVERY. SINGLE. CHILD. Riley (8) got up to use the bathroom and accidentally came in our room instead. Isaac fell out of his bed while attempting to get out to use the bathroom. Jake (5) came in our room at 4:45am to see if it was time to watch cartoons yet. Piper woke up at 5:00am just because. Yeah, we were not loving it very much, but I guess that is to be expected.

Sunday morning we were MIA from church due to the above reasons. Yes, it's an excuse. . . and a mighty good one I think. We made pancakes and eggs for the kids and a large pot of coffee for me. After my nephews left, we had a wonderful morning of relaxing, playing, just hanging out in our PJ's. After lunch, we all napped (whoo hoo again!) and we all must have needed it because everyone slept for at least two hours! This rarely happens in our house anymore, so it was a extra special treat! We then finally watched the end of Happy Feet. Mark & I always laugh because we see about the first 20 minutes of movies about 100 times before we convince Isaac to let the whole movie play through.

The rest of Sunday was spent with more playing, running a couple errands, supper, bath time and bed. Then, (cue horror music again) it was time to tackle part 2 of the budget. The allocated spending plan. This is were you go into great detail about what bills will be paid what week with what income.

Note: For all of you out there who have never struggled with managing your finances, I can about imagine your thought process right now. It may go something like this, "How can these people be adults and not have any idea how to manage money? What is so difficult about this? How have they survived all these years?" For you people, well, I don't have a good answer. All I can say is we are learning it now and better late than never, right? It is humbling, very humbling.

For those of you who struggle like us - WELCOME TO THE CLUB! One of the encouraging things about taking FPU with a group is that you realize that you are not alone. It is so freeing to be able to look at people at all different walks of life and income levels and be able to all say that we are in the same boat together. Granted, without taking the class that boat is quickly sinking, but for us this class is a lifesaver. Enough metaphors for you?

Back to the allocated spending plan. After another hour, with only a few tense moments (Mark may have been annoyed about how I am the nerd of the group and I like things written out a certain way), we had it finished. Tired and overwhelmed as I was, I. FELT. AMAZING!

Having this first step of control in our finances is amazing to me. No, we are not rich, and no, we are not out of the woods yet and yes, we still have a ways to go to reach our goals, but oh my goodness, there is such freedom in telling your money where to go.

DR says that the first month of trying to stick to the budget is tough, second month a little better and the third month is better yet. I am prepared to have many "emergency budget meetings" this month as life happens, but the fact that we have started this portion of our journey is so encouraging to me.

All in all a wonderful weekend, full of everyday life and the trials it brings.

What was your weekend full of? (and yes I know, ending a sentence with a preposition is a no-no. . . )

Financial Peace

2011-03-16T14:10:00.000-05:00

Mark and I have dreams and goals for our lives and the lives of our kids. There are certain things we want to accomplish or be a part of that we are unable to right now due to one little itsy bitsy word.

Debt.

I wish that I could say that our level of debt is in direct relation to the size of the word, but it is more like this in our lives right now.

DEBT.

We have lived life like a lot if not most Americans. We have bought what we could afford the payments on, not what we could afford.

We decided a few months back that we need to get things on track and get out of debt. To help us do this, Mark & I have started Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University. We know both family and friends who have taken this course and we have seen the results. We have also heard that this is not a quick fix (darn).

We are in week 3 - since we have started, we have cut up all our credit cards (kind of a freeing and scary feeling at the same time), created a simple budget, and prayed for wisdom in our financial decisions from here on out.

Also since we have started, I have never been more tempted to stop and get a latte on my way to work or go shopping for a cute pair of sandals for spring. I look at my purse and think I should really get a new one becuase this one has a thread hanging from it. I notice that there are all these great new eyeshadow colors in the make-up aisle at Walmart. I think steaks on the grill sound great when before mac & cheese was fine by me.

My immediate thought usually after all of these temptations is that I deserve it. I deserve that coffee because I was up with the kids and I'm tired. I deserve the shoes because they make me feel good about the way I look. I deserve a new purse because a lot of my friends have purses for every outfit. You get the picture.

Last week, in class Dave told a story of a single mom who stopped him after a conference. She told him that she had created her budget, she was working 2 jobs to cover all the bills and although it was tight, she was making it. Then one day on her way to bring the kids to daycare, it was pouring rain and she got a flat tire. So she had to get out in the rain and change it, all the while being splashed by cars going by. She got to work late because of this and got yelled at by her boss. She had to work late to cover for being late and so she was late to pick up the kids from daycare and she got penalized for that. On the way home, the kids were begging and pleading for "McDonald's, McDonald's, McDonald's!" This mom, being tired and frustrated gave in because she felt she deserved a break after her horrible day. So she pulled into the McDonald's drive through and bought some Happy Meals (with money marked for another expense) and went home. This single mom told Dave, "That trip to McDonald's cost me $159 in bounced check fees."

Dave went on to say that we don't 'deserve' to treat ourselves when we are the ones to get ourselves into these messes. By budgeting, you give all your money a name and if you don't have money for an area, whether its eating out, going to movies, buying new shoes or makeup, you don't do it!!

Hard to shallow, but good for me to hear. I still get tempted, but I keep thinking of the plans that we have and the plans that God has for us (Jeremiah 29:11-12) and it helps keep me motivated.

So does one of Dave's famous phrases (paraphrased):

"Live now like no one else, so someday you can live like no one else!"

Arguments and a rubber ducky

2011-03-14T14:54:00.000-05:00

Conflict in marriage in normal and healthy. If you never had conflict, well. . . I would say you are a liar. But, as Mark & I have learned (and continue to learn) it is how you resolve the conflict that matters.

We recently read the book Everybody Wins: The Chapman Guide to Resolving Conflict Without Arguing with our mentor couple. Mark & I don't have all out screaming matches - we are the sarcastic, snotty comments type of people.

Overall the book is really good - there were a few cheesy parts that we all agreed we would NEVER do. One example, wear a sign around your neck that says, "I am listening" - yeah, no thanks. But the point is that you need to really listen and take in what your partner is saying instead of just formulating your response the whole time they are talking. I of course have never done that.

We have definitely gotten better at resolving conflict, but we still have times of weakness.

The other night we were giving the kids a bath. Bath time is always crazy because, well we are trying to give 2 toddlers a bath! I honestly don't even remember what we were fighting about (yes, brownie points for fighting in front of the kids), but it was getting as heated as our arguments get. The tension in the bathroom was thick. I was getting ready to rinse Piper off, so Mark was holding her as she stood in the tub and the next thing we know she was sticking her legs out in front of her. Picture an Olympic gymnast on the rings with their arms straight down and legs straight out in front. That is exactly what she was doing. It was the oddest looking thing you have ever seen and she was giggling. Mark's arms are on fire because our little girl, well she is not so little, but he starts laughing and I start laughing and then the kids start laughing.

It was in that moment that I think both Mark & I realized that whatever it was we were arguing about was ridiculous and not worth the time or effort. We got the kids out of the tub, put to bed and went on to have a really nice evening.

I say all this to say that I am so thankful for being able to find humor in the midst of everyday life. I am so thankful for the grace God gives us when we make such silly, selfish choices. I love my husband more everyday because we can laugh together and forgive each other in the midst of our shortcomings.

10 Things I Like More Than. . . .

2011-03-09T15:41:00.003-06:00

. . .Going To The Dentist:

10) Bra shopping. Ladies, enough said.

9) Having my picture taken. For those who know me. . . yeah, enough said.

8) Riding in a cargo van squished between 2 smelly people for 10+ hours.

7) Packing.

6) Unpacking.

5) Long car rides with my children. For those who know my children. . . you understand what I am saying.

4) Cleaning the toy room.

3) Cleaning the van.

2) Cleaning the bathroom.

1) Cleaning. . . . in general (you had to know this was coming after the last 3). Again, for those who know me and maybe more importantly, for those who have stopped by unannounced you know how true this is.

I went to the dentist today.

Who, for the sake of fairness, is the nicest lady in the world and her hygienists are super sweet and professional.

BUT - it was still the dentist. And I have a high gag reflex and horror stories in my memory from going to the dentist, so it is not a great experience for me.

It has honestly gotten better in the last few years since going to our current dentist, but still not an appointment I look forward too. If any little thing comes up to give me an excuse to reschedule my appointment (like. . . a sale anywhere, the sky looking too gray, bad hair day, etc.) I will do so.

My memories of going to the dentist are just a few. I did my standard twice a year cleaning, but my memories are centered around two events.

I hated sitting in the waiting room and hearing that suction thing. You know the one they ask you to close your mouth around to suck out all the saliva, water, your soul? That sound to this day makes me nauseous. I would rather change 1000 nasty poopy diapers than listen to that sound, much less have it IN MY MOUTH! I gag like crazy.

My second memory is of having fluoride treatment. I remember as a child waiting and wishing to turn 16. Not so I could date or get my driver's license. But so that I no longer would have to get fluoride treatment. In my mind it is a dentist's way to torture you for having bad breath, not flossing morning and night (seriously, what child does that?) and not brushing after every meal (again, who does this?).

But the worst part of this treatment was the flavors. I would love to meet the genius who said, "Hmm, let's take this horrible paste, with its horrible texture, that we put in this Styrofoam tray and make it bubble gum or strawberry flavored (or whatever other disgusting flavor they could think of) and ruin those flavors for a child for life."

Apparently when I was 13 or 14 my mind/body gave up the fight against the gag reflex and I threw up while having those awful trays in my mouth. Sound disgusting? Try being there. After that the dentist said I didn't have to have fluoride treatment anymore. Apparently they have a limit for how much they can endure as well.

So because of these experiences, I am a dentist's worst nightmare as a patient. I ask to not close my mouth around the suction thing and I ask for mint toothpaste for when they polish my teeth (again, what is with the fruit flavors). I grimace and try to think of my happy place as they are cleaning my teeth.

I tip my hat to my dentist - she is patient with me, understanding and even laughs at my stories (but who wouldn't, right?). I finally told her one time that although I still dislike going to the dentist, I really like coming to see her.

Feel free to share your horror stories - and yes, I know I'm crazy.

Out of the mouths of babes

2011-03-08T11:21:00.000-06:00

I was raised in a Christian home where my parents showed their faith in very obvious ways like taking us to church, praying before a meal, saying prayers with us kids before bed, etc.

But they also gave examples of their faith in less obvious ways. I remember waking up too early some mornings and hearing my parents praying together. I remember my dad telling a story about how he got upset with someone at work and had to go back and apologize.

I remember the year we went to public school for the 1st time (otherwise K-8th was at a christian school) and my mom would do devotions with my sister and I each morning before school. Now these were not the most spiritual times for a 9 and 11 year old - my mom had a habit of falling asleep while praying. You see she had just gotten off of a 12 hour night shift. My sister and I would be as quiet as we could be as my mom started to pray and soon she would be dozing off. . . .we off course being the mature girls we were, would hold in our laughter for about. . . . . 30 seconds. Then we would wake up my mom, who would smile, laugh and say, "Oh did I fall asleep again?!" and we would start prayers over.

Most of all I remember prayer being something that was a regular, normal, everyday part of our lives as kids. My parents would pray for us when we were hurt (physically or emotionally), they would pray for us for an upcoming test or sporting event. We would pray in the car (eyes open of course!), we would pray at home, at school, etc. And no we were not those weird Christians. . . my parents were (and are) just very sincere in their faith and their belief in God who hears and answers prayer.

This legacy is one I hope to pass on to our kids. We pray with the kids each night and are getting better at remembering to pray at meals - which Isaac loves because we sing "Johnny Apple Seed" as loud as possible and he is so sincere and earnest in this prayer.

I have also started praying for the kids whenever they get an owie or say something hurts. I keep it simple. Isaac says, "My head hurts." I say, "Should Mommy pray for you?" He says, "Yes." I then pray something to the effect of, "Dear Jesus, I pray for Isaac's head that it wouldn't hurt anymore. I pray that You would heal him and he would have a wonderful day. In Jesus' name, Amen."

I keep it simple for a few reasons. One, I am not an eloquent person - I say what I mean or at least try to and usually it comes out sounding pretty, well, simple. Just my nature. Secondly, I want Isaac and Piper to know that they can talk to Jesus whenever, wherever, and they can talk to Him like they talk to a friend or Mommy & Daddy.

The other night, I was not feeling the best - my back among other things really hurt. In the past when Isaac hears that my back hurts he comes over and rubs it till I say it feels better (melt my heart). But the other night when I told him my back hurt, he started to pray for me. It sounded something like this:

"Dear Jesus, asdfkjksdjf Mommy's back aklsdjfkj have good akjdasdjkf better, Jesus name AMEN!"

I have never heard or been as blessed by a prayer in my entire life.

Weekend Update

2011-03-07T13:48:00.000-06:00

Ah, I missed you all!

What? You didn't notice my absence for the last 4 days? Oh well, I was gone. So there, now you can miss me!

We had a great weekend. It was nothing super spectacular in terms of any big event or occasion, but it was just a great weekend filled with family time, fun kid things, a date and church. My favorite type of weekend.

Saturday morning Isaac had his first spring swimming lesson class. For the next 6 Saturdays, my little man gets to be a fish for 30 minutes (along with his daddy). This is his second time in the parent-child class because you have to be 3 years old to advance to beginners. I am actually very happy he is getting a 2nd time around with this class because it is a great refresher course for him and I think he will do better in beginners this summer after having taken this class.

Last summer when Piper and I sat on the sidelines to watch and the only thing I had to be concerned about then was keeping her cool (indoor pool is great in the winter - a tad bit hot in the summer). This spring, the girl wanted to go jump in the pool! It was a long 30 minutes of crowd control! This summer I think she will have a blast in swimming lessons, but until then it will be a lesson in self-control every Saturday morning!

I also had a friend over for a kikaPaprika party/showing. It is a clothing line I heard about from my friend in Wisconsin. Ladies, it is some of the cutest clothes I have ever seen! When I first heard, all knit, I had visions of sweatsuits. Yupthanksbutnothanks. But, when Beth (consultant) arrived-oh my goodness, it is some of the cutest stuff and all really really comfortable. The stuff leans towards the spendier side, but not our of line with stuff you would find at Macy's, Bloomingdale's, The Limited, etc. Check it out!

Mark & I also had a date night on Saturday night. It was wonderful. I am learning (FINALLY) that we don't need to have these huge, long, gaze into your eyes discussions every time we go out. I used to get so stressed trying to force conversation that I would miss the joy of just being with my best friend. I would truly rather sit and be silent with Mark than have a conversation with anyone else. So, this date was so nice for me in that I did not spend time thinking about what we should/could talk about, but instead I just enjoyed Mark. I am also proud of the fact that we had supper, went to a movie and had dessert afterwards all for $10! Free dinner (thank you Big Brother, Big Sister), free movie tickets (thank you Mom & Dad), and dessert (yes, dessert was $10!!!).

Sunday we went to church, went grocery shopping, took naps (yes all of us - love it!) and to my nephew's hockey game.

Weekends like this just remind me again of how much I love my family and the life we lead. I love being together doing 'typical' family stuff. I love the fact that in the midst of all these fun things we still can be (unfortunately) cranky, naughty, tired, annoyed, etc. but we are learning to move past those things to just enjoying each other.

What was a highlight of your weekend?

Also, if you have not had a chance to comment on misconceptions, please do so.

Sun shining, clean car and bloody noses

2011-03-03T13:25:00.002-06:00

True story:

I'm at lunch with Mark today.

We go to the gas station to fill up ($3.31/gallon - not cool) and get the van washed because it is sunny and 32 and around here that means no coats, car washes and flip flops (OK, so no to the flip flops with the 400" of snow still everywhere, but you get my point. . . right? Hello?).

Mark is about to get out and fill up the van when he turns to me and says, "You have a bloody nose," and then he gets out of the van.

Ummmmm, okay. . . 1) how did I not notice I had a bloody nose? 2) I love how nonchalant Mark is about this fact. It's like, "Oh hey honey, there is a piece of lint on your shirt and your nose is bleeding, in case you were wondering." 3) My nose was bleeding out of only one side - the side that I have not been able to breathe out of all day - yeahumsurewhynot.

In other breaking news, my daughter decided this morning she needed to bond with her mommy for 1 hour and 30 minutes. . . . . typically, not a big deal. . . but from 4:15 - 5:45 AM I prefer to bond with my pillow and comfy bed.

And finally, tomorrow is Friday, my favorite day of the week. I am wishing for a huge pile of money to get dumped on my doorstep, my 2003 Honda Odyssey to turn into a 2011 Honda Odyssey (yes I am that lame) and that our house will magically have new siding on it. But *if* none of that happens - it will still be a great day!

Happy Thursday!

Misconceptions

2011-03-02T09:30:00.000-06:00

I was reading a blog I follow (can you tell by now that I love to read blogs?) and it was a great post about friendships and how important they are for women and it gave some great ideas for finding and building new relationships. One thing that struck me though was a comment from another reader about how the workplace is a great place to meet friends and the author of the blog commented back saying yes that's true and how she was thinking more of SAHM who are so isolated. She went on to say that she figured most women who work had lots of friends through the workplace.

I have followed this particular blog long enough to get to know the heart of the author and I know she is a sweetheart with a big heart. I found it interesting though at the misconception she seemed to have about friendships in the workplace and that got me thinking about the misconceptions in general between moms who work outside the home (WM) and moms who work inside the home (SAHM).

Having been in both of these roles in my life I think I have a good handle on the great parts of both and the really difficult parts of both, but I also find myself at times thinking, "Oh those SAHM have it so easy!" And yet I know that is not true, just like it is not true that I have it so easy because I can "drop my kids at daycare and go to work and have wonderful adult conversation, come home, have a delightful evening and joyfully put my kids to bed."

So, I would love to hear responses from WM and SAHM alike. What do you feel are some misconceptions about your role? What is your greatest joy about your choice and what is the most difficult part? I am working on future post (and article) about this subject too, so I may be using some of your ideas for that (I will ask you first and will not use names).

I opened up comments to allow anonymous comments for this post, so if you are more comfortable leaving an anonymous comment, please do! Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you all!

It goes by too fast most days

2011-02-25T09:37:00.003-06:00

How is it that it feels like just yesterday that our family was here:

And Isaac looked like this:

And Piper looked like this:

Is this not the cutest little boy you have ever seen?

And I adore this little girl and her crazy hair.

And now we are here - 2 kids well into toddler years. I am so thankful and blessed to be called their mommy. I am in awe at times that I get to be a mom. Even after a night of my 2 1/2 year old waking up 4 times. It is easy to find delight when looking at these two precious babies-and yes I will call them my babies for as long as I live.

Happy Friday!

Off again

2011-02-24T14:14:00.000-06:00

I am having a very off day today. I just feel antsy and like I am just waiting on something, anything different to happen in my life. I feel like I am wasting time. Mind you I still have no idea what I want different or what I should be doing.

I am also just plain old tired, exhausted actually. I hate feeling this constant blanket of tiredness these last few weeks. There is only so much caffeine can do these days. And besides I really do not like being dependant on artificial means to have energy. I know that I need to start exercising in some form or fashion. I hear time and time again from so many that it helps. Mark has started working out every night after the kids are in bed and I am so proud of him! I also feel somewhat guilty as I crawl in bed when he goes out to exercise. But, not guilty enough to do anything about it.

I see the sun shining out my office window and it makes me craze spring and summer and lazy days with the kids at the park and the lake. But it also makes me wish for more time to do those things I want. Why can I not be content today? Why is finding delight so difficult today?

I tell myself that this is normal and that these are the minor downs of the ups and downs of life. One thing I am really encouraged about is Mark & I have started praying specifically for direction in a certain area of our lives.

Married people out there - I challenge you to pray with your spouse every night. It does not need to be a big, long, super spiritual prayer.

It can be, "Thank you Jesus for this day, keep the kids safe and healthy, help us have a good day tomorrow. Amen."

Seriously, most of my prayers when we first started a few months back were like that. But the act of praying together, of listening to each other, and having that connection is so cool.

But anyway, back to Mark & I praying together. It has given me so much more peace knowing that we are together asking God for direction. I am reminded again that God is God and He desires to be a part of every area of my life and our life as a family.

Okay-deep breath. I feel somewhat better. Thanks for letting me ramble and I am looking forward to being on again soon!

Working Girls Unite!

2011-02-22T09:34:00.000-06:00

Okay, so maybe my title gives you the impression of a different kind of working girl. . . but I mean the working outside the home full-time girl. . . sheesh!

I would love some tips on how to balance.

(pausing here for laughter, snorts, "You've got to be kidding me!" comments)

I am not going to lie. I struggle with how to juggle it all. And please don't tell me that it's okay to leave a little dust around or a bowl can sit in the sink for a night. If you came to my house right now you would see that lately I have been having success in spending time with kids, BUT. . . . . . our house is a WRECK!!!!!!!!!!

Honestly, I do not expect perfection. Really. I am fine with some clutter and beds unmade, among other things. But I think there is a responsibility I have as a human, wife, parent, etc. to keep our home a ~~little~~ lot better than I have been.

My struggle comes from having absolutely no energy after the kids are in bed to do anything like housework. This may be due to the fact that our kids our still somewhat random about sleeping through the night.

(Reminder-they are 16 months and 2 1/2 yrs. old. Yeah, it's awesome.)

I have also learned that I need some time for me at the end of the day to unwind. I wish I didn't, but that is just how I function. I cannot go non-stop working from the moment I wake up until I drop into bed in exhaustion. I have tried and it is not a pretty sight. Just ask my husband. Not pretty.

So, what do I do? Do I not spend time with the kids after being away from them all day? Do we use only paper plates and plastic utensils? Buy new underwear for everyone every couple weeks? And yes, I have been tempted and I have given in to this temptation at times too. Okay not on the underwear thing, but wouldn't that be nice?!?!?.

I honestly think though my biggest hurdle is the inability to prioritize what needs to be done, sticking with that, getting things organized so everything has a specific place and finally, just plain old motivation.

So, working girls, I am open to advice. Comment away! And if you are like me and have no clue, just tell me. Then at least I will know I am not the only imperfect mom out there! ;)

Oh why not?

2011-02-17T11:34:00.001-06:00

I love that the day I want my hair to look nice for a luncheon fundraiser, it is frizzy, flat, and static-y (yes that's a word). This is actually not that different than any other day, but why can't it look nice just once?!

I love that the day I am wearing 'less' clothing (little black dress for fundraiser), I am sweating more than ever. I just returned from the rest room after sticking wads of toilet paper in my armpits to soak up the sweat. . . . . . . . seriously. I did throw them away before leaving the rest room - otherwise that would be gross.

(I am pausing here for you to laugh, gag, find a different blog to read, etc.)

But what I really do love is that today is my Friday, tomorrow I get a whole day with my wonderful husband and tomorrow night I get to drive to Bismarck to see my wonderful friend Christina.

Happy ~~Friday~~ Thursday!

Being Off and On

2011-02-16T11:20:00.001-06:00

Kelle at her beautiful blog enjoying the small things and her post from yesterday On and Off got me thinking about being "on and off" and what that means to me.

Lately I have been feeling a desire to do more. More what? I don't know exactly.

Do I have some idea? Yes. Am I ready to share all that? No.

I do know that I have been feeling on and off at the same times it seems. Let me try to explain.

I feel as if I have all these desires, passions, ideas in my head. I feel as though I get inspired with everything around me. I feel as though I am learning to be more intentional with my kids. I emphasize learning because truthfully it does not come natural for me. There are some parts of mothering that come natural for me and others that do not. Being intentional and present in the moment of reading the same book 500 times or singing along with the same Signing Time DVD over and over and over, etc. - that does not come natural to me.
*Side note: Huge weight lifted in being able to admit that somewhere other than in my brain.

The off part comes from feeling like due to certain parts of my life that need my attention and time, I cannot pursue the other parts of my life that I want to give my time and attention. I read about people who seem to do it all; work outside the home, have kids (and do a great job raising them it seems), have hobbies/passions, have healthy marriages, time to workout, don't wear the same 5 outfits week in and week out and I wonder how on earth they do it. I know the saying that women are great at multi-tasking, but I must have missed out on the multi-tasking mother gene. I do not feel like I can give 100% to my kids and 100% to my husband and 100% to me. Actually I know that I can't.

My kids are my first priority and passion. I know at times I may make it seem like they are all work and no fun. Forgive me for that impression. My kids bring me more joy and peace and delight than I would have ever thought. Really, they are amazing little people that I look at and wonder what I did to deserve such blessings. And then I remember I did nothing - God did everything.

By making the choice to have kids and to be present and intentional in their lives, I have chosen to lay other things aside in my life. And I am happy with that choice - thrilled as a matter of fact.

But why then, do I have all of these feelings, thoughts, desires pulling at me? I have a feeling of being "off" and yet I am at the same time feeling more "on" in my life than I have in a long time. I feel as though I am making important strides in overcoming fear, in being a better parent, having better communication and relationship with Mark, etc.

In reading all of this just now, I realize it is somewhat garbled and disconnected, but it is also what I feel and I don't want to edit myself for the sake of good writing - so please bear with me.

All in all, I am again trying to rest in the process of life and find delight in this time. I know that God has a plan and purpose for everything under the sun.

I love Tuesday! And other random things. . .

2011-02-15T14:47:00.000-06:00

While I am usually ridiculously cold at work, today I was so hot. . . as in my cheeks were red, armpits sweaty (too much detail??), hair pulled back, sleeves rolled up HOT! Ugh, can I not just be a regulated normal temp at work?

Why does it seem like the majority of blogs by women are from women who stay home with their kids? Do working (outside the home) women not have the blogging gene? Is it a time issue? Lack of interest? I would love to find and follow more blogs of working moms. I love the blogs I follow of stay (and work your butt off raising kids) at home moms, but I would also love to read about the struggles and ups and downs of working moms.

Why does it seem like when you are the most ~~broke~~ financially conservative, that is when things/opportunities/bills come out of the woodwork like crazy. It is like Dave Ramsey says I guess, "Murphy follows broke folks" (I may be paraphrasing that).

I love how I have medical, dental, life, and vision insurance and yet I cannot get any insurance to pay for a doctor prescribed treatment to decrease the amount of headaches I have. Hmmmm, not trying to be obnoxious, but wouldn't you think it would be ~~better~~, cheaper for insurance companies to pay a one time $600 bill than a lifetime of prescription costs, ER visits, specialist office visits, etc. . . . . I'm just sayin'.

My little boy told me Happy Valentine's Day yesterday about 30 times. It does not get much better than that.

My little girl gave me a wet sloppy kiss with a bit of leftover supper on her mouth. And while my gag reflex was in full swing (I am not immune to the disgustingness of toddlers), it does not get much better than that.

Am I the only one out there not getting on the skinny jean train? They remind me of when I used to roll my jeans, my white Guess jeans. And then pull my socks over them. And wear generic Keds. And a multi-color sweater (think Bill Cosby). Although I will admit, if I was as tiny as the models I see the skinny jeans on, I may jump on board. But for now - I will stick with boot cut.

Happy "Holiday Made Up by Hallmark" Day!

2011-02-14T10:02:00.000-06:00

I don't believe it, but Mark (and a lot of other men) does. Valentine's Day is a fun day for me. . . .I don't go all out, but any excuse to buy candy, get flowers and most importantly show love, is a good day to me. And it's not that Mark hates the day. . . I think just the pressure to make it extra special is what bugs him. So, we keep it pretty low key.

I know there are probably 50 million blog posts today about love and their significant other. . . so here is the 50,000,001 post.

Mark & I went on our first date Feb. 3, 2004. He had asked me out the night before. . . for that same night, but I *ahem* lied (not proud) and said I had to babysit that night. . . .after all I didn't look very cute after a long day at work!

Anywho, the point is that when Valentine's Day rolled around, we had only been dating a couple weeks and I had told my brother weeks prior that I would babysit for him that night. So, during the day we went to a track meet at Concordia and then decided to have an early supper. Considering we had only been dating a short time, I didn't want there to be a lot of pressure on Valentine's Day. . . and there are only so many places in Moorhead to eat. . . so we went to Village Inn on V-Day! It was actually really fun. We were there super early, so we ate with all the old-timers. It was so fun to see all these cute old couples or groups of little old ladies eating together.

Fast forward to the next year - we are now 2 weeks past being engaged (he asked a year to the day of the first day he asked me out) and we decided to make Village Inn part of our tradition! No waiting and inexpensive. . . plus, it was part of our story.

We have now gone to Village Inn every year since.

I wish I could accurately put into words how I feel about Mark. He is the best man that I know. He is a servant to the core. He loves unconditionally.  He gives without seeking a return. He is my best friend. I would rather sit around with him and do nothing than go do anything else with anyone else.

Mark is an amazing dad. He continually challenges me to be a better mom. Not by anything he says, but by how present he is with our kids all the time.  He truly enjoys being together as a family, playing with the kids, making up silly games. Where as I struggle at times needing a break, he seems to never need a break (although I know he appreciates it when he gets one).

Mark has a heart for God. He is quiet about his faith, but it is strong nonetheless. These last few years as we have journeyed together to build our faith as a couple, he is open to the things God has for him and for us as a family.

I used to hear people say that they love their spouse more today than the day they married them and I would wonder how that is possible.  I have learned that it is possible because you have experienced the ups and down of life with that person.  Mark has seen me with bed head and stinky breath. He has seen me in a bad mood and when I whine about nothing. He has walked with me through my inner struggles and fears. He has rejoiced with me in the births of our kids. He has laughed with me about nothing. He has shared more inside jokes and silent communication than anyone else. I can say that I truly do love Mark more today than the day I married him.

Happy Valentine's Day, Mark - and I can't wait to be that "cute old couple" at Village Inn someday!

Fear and Freedom

2011-02-10T10:40:00.000-06:00

This weekend Mark in going to be gone - and I am okay with it.

For those of you who don't know much about me, that is a HUGE step. My entire life I have been ruled by fear. I could write a book on the ways I have allowed fear to shape the choices I have made in my life. But I am learning this year that my fear is based more on my sense of control or lack of control.

I fear losing Mark - not as in him leaving me, but I fear him dying. But what I fear more than that is that I won't know if he gets hurt or killed. I fear that I won't be there at those final moments of his life. I fear that he won't know how much I love him and that I will have regrets about how I have shown or not shown him love.

To those who have never dealt with fear, anxiety, panic attacks, etc., it is hard to understand how deeply fear can grip a person. Fear is a powerful, powerful emotion and its grip is one that is not easily broken. Fear is a seemingly never ending cycle. For after my first panic attack at the ripe age of 8 (at least that's the first one I remember) I began to fear being fearful. So I would do everything in my power to avoid the circumstance or situation that had caused me to panic. Hard to do when the fear reared its ugly head anytime my mom left. This made me going to school, her going to work, the store, out with my dad, etc. extremely difficult for me and my entire family.

As I grew up, those fears would ebb and flow. . . I would have months of relief to be followed by months of despair. It truly was a roller coaster of emotions, the details of which may be for another post.

Fast forward to my adult years. The grip of fear in regards to my mom had finally broken away. I lived a few precious years without the overwhelming fear of fear.

As I began my relationship with Mark, it was free of fear. Then came the summer of 2004 and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was on vacation with my parents, brother and his family. I think it had to do with the fact that I knew this was the man I loved and wanted to be with for the rest of my life and the realization of that triggered in me the fear of losing him. To most everyone else when they realize they love someone or find the love of their life it brings comfort, peace, joy. To me it brought those things with a 1000 lb. side of fear.

God truly choose Mark for me, because he did not run away in the face of my panic attacks, illogical fears and emotions. He didn't understand them, but he just loved me in spite of them. I remember him telling me he wasn't going anywhere. To a young woman who at times wanted to run away from herself, those were powerful words.

I have since had a lot of highs and lows with my fear. I am just coming out of a really low time. A time when once again I was consumed by fear and what it could do to me. Fear does not just weigh me down. It is a burden to those around me. It is a heavy burden for Mark to bear, knowing that he is the 'source', for lack of a better term, of my fear.

With the realization though that my fear is based in not being in control, it has empowered me to really look at the things I fear and call them out. I have no control over what happens to Mark whether he is in town or out of town. I could talk to him on the phone during the day and the second we hang up he could get into a horrible car accident or some other freak thing. Only God knows the number of days we are here on this earth.

So, I have been speaking life to myself the last few days and weeks. I still struggle. I still get that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach when I can't reach Mark by phone or when I am waiting for him to return home after work. I wish I could say that I didn't, but I am able to say in spite of the feeling of fear, I am getting so much better at not allowing it to rule my life and Mark's life.

I am happy that he gets this weekend away with a good friend. He needs a break from our crazy life and I am looking forward to being able to give him the gift of being at peace and even looking forward to this time alone.

There is freedom out there from this fear and I am on a journey to find it one day at a time.

I will find delight in embracing my past, living in the present and claiming my future, whatever it may be - free from fear.

Home Alone. . . .AHHH!

2011-02-08T09:30:00.001-06:00

For the first time since I have had kids, I will have 24 hours alone. . . no spouse, no kids. . . .just me.

Mark is going on his annual ice fishing trip with a good friend and so Friday night and part of Saturday it will just be me and the kids (take a moment and pray for our sanity). Then Grandma and Grandpa come ~~to the rescue~~ get the kids and I have Saturday night and part of Sunday alone!

The thought is somewhat overwhelming actually as I am not quite sure what to do with myself anymore when it's just me.

Is that sad? Or normal?

I am looking forward to the time though - I think I get so used to constantly having people around that I have forgotten the joy of alone time and how therapeutic it can be.

So, I am trying to think of ideas of what to do. I know I will go to the library and get a good book (yes, I am a nerd who loves to read) and I plan to rent at least one chick flick, but after that. . . . . my temptation is I should spend the time being productive and finish some projects I have at home, like:

1) Actually have all out clothes put away in appropriate closets and dressers, instead of hanging in the laundry room and folded on the bed in the guest room. Yes, it's sad and annoying and I still have yet to motivate myself to change it.

2) Hang up pictures in our bedroom - bare walls drive me nuts and yet since we moved in we have gotten no further (or is it farther?) than bring the pictures into the bedroom and setting them on the floor.

3) Pack up all the kids clothes that are too small and bring to Once Upon a Child or thrift store.

4) Scrub tub. (okay in all honesty, I highly highly doubt I will run out of enough things to do that this would be at the top of my list. . . .but seriously it needs to be cleaned!!)

5) Go through all the kids toys and pack up toys they no longer use or that are missing pieces and throw or bring to thrift store.

6) Go grocery shopping for food that makes sense to have on hand so I can make an actual meal that makes sense instead of having hot dogs, PB & J, and grapes for supper. Seriously.

7) Paint our downstairs bathroom. It is neon blue - ya, not kidding. I am sure the people who lived there before us were wonderful people, but seriously enough with the blue. Six rooms in our house were blue when we moved in. There are now only 4 1/2 that are blue (I know, we have a lot of work to do), but this neon shade of blue has got to be the next to go.

8) Decide on color for downstairs bathroom. Okay, so perhaps this item on the list should be before painting, but I think we all know that by this point on the list. . . I am not getting any of this stuff done this weekend!

If you have ideas of things I should do this weekend or if you just want to live vicariously through me (as I do through people who go on vacations with or without kids, or who no longer have to change any diapers - ever), feel free to let me know!

Happy Tuesday!

I'm so excited. . . and I just can't hide it. . . . I know, I know, I know. . .

2011-02-04T15:49:00.000-06:00

. . . if you are still reading after that horribly annoying title I am either. . .

. . .honored that you deem my writing so magnificent that you choose to ignore the ~~frequent~~ ~~occasional~~ rare moments of immaturity. . . .

OR

. . .convinced you are a die hard Pointer Sisters (or 80's music in general) fan and figure I must be super cool to know that song!

Right? Right? Hello?

{crickets}

Anywho. . .moving on. I really am excited today. For some reasons I won't share yet (and yes I hate when people do that too) and for other reasons I will.

I am excited that today is Friday, my favorite day of the week.

I am excited that I am going out with Mark, my parents, and brother tonight to a movie and then appetizers. NO KIDS!

I am excited that it is sunny and 30 degrees - I went out at lunch today with just my jean jacket (a cute, trendy one not an 80's one. . . so hush) on. . . and of course pants and shoes - sheesh!. . . I'm not that kind of girl!

I am excited that my baby girl is done with antibiotics and so *hopefully* this means diarrhea and diaper rash will cease.

I am excited that even though I have a headache for the 9th (or is it 10th. . . who knows) day in a row, they are not lasting all day every day. . .it's the little things, you know?

And lastly, I am excited that I live a wonderful life (I hope you read that in the most sincere, non-cheesy way possible). I do not have a perfect life and some days (or weeks) are just plain yucky. But I have an amazing husband, two great kids, great parents, siblings, church, etc. and I just can't complain about any of it! At least not today! ;)

Have a wonderful Friday!

How do you decide?

2011-02-03T14:10:00.002-06:00

I truly am asking this in a hypothetical, but not rhetorical manner. We are not contemplating any major life changing decisions right now. . . unless you count what color the downstairs bathroom should be and how on earth to teach our son to not whine for everything. . . .

How do you make the big decisions in your life? The ones like. . .

. . .what career should I choose,
. . .should I switch careers,
. . .should we have kids,
. . .should we have more kids,
. . .should we buy this house or that house,
. . .should we move to this city or stay where we are at,
. . .do I stay home with the kids or go back to working outside the home? . . .
. . .and all the others that I can't think of but I am sure we all encounter throughout life.

Do you pray, seek counsel from friends, family, go with your gut? Does it take you months or days. . . or hours to decide? Do you find you and your spouse (if you have one) typically agree or is there usually a compromise? Do you feel good after making a big decision or do you have 'buyers remorse'?

I am curious. . . . and I love to hear from you . . . . . . . . .all 4 of you ;)!

Delighted. . . ummmm. . . working on it!

2011-02-02T10:28:00.000-06:00

So, I have been feeling bad about my last post and how negative and whiny it was. Yes, it is an honest portrayal of how I have felt recently, but there was no hope, no even in this I will overcome. . . so I will now see the positives.

I am thankful that my headaches are just that - headaches. They are not a brain tumor, cancer, or any other life threatening disease.

I am thankful for the miracle of medicine and doctors (medical and chiropractic) and the options that are out there for pain management.

I am thankful that I know the Great Physician and that healing comes from Him. . . in whatever form he chooses.

So, I will choose to delight myself in Him. . . . in spite of my circumstances.

Oh, and my meds finally kicked in again so I am pain free - amazing how that helps perspective too!

Feeling fuzzy

2011-02-02T09:41:00.000-06:00

I have a headache. . . sounds pretty tame, normal, take some Advil and call it good, right? Well, this headache is going on day 7. . . . Advil is no longer my friend after taking 4 every 4 hours for a week.

So I went to the doctor, added new daily med (on top of the one I already take) and got a prescription for drugs to take for pain.

Went to pharmacy to fill pain med prescription only to find out they no longer make that medicine. Of course this is after 5pm and so the clinic is now closed. Wait till next morning, go to clinic only to find out my doctor is in Grand Forks today and no other doctor feels comfortable prescribing something else. . . . which in a normal state of mind I understand. . . but I was not in a normal state of mind. I was in the Hello-I-Have-Not-Been-Pain-Free-In-6-Days. . . . .and oh my kid didn't sleep worth crap last night, so give me some freaking drugs!!!!!

Alas, Mark & I called pharmacies in the area and found one that had 20 pills left (which will get me thru about 4 days)- I felt like a crack addict when I told the pharmacist to please hold them for me, I would be right over.

And so I took pain meds. . . and they helped. . . for a little bit. Until Mr. Headache came back laughing and taunting me. . . . SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am waiting for doctor's office to call back so I can see if there is a new magic pill out there for me to try.

I am usually pretty good about dealing with my constant headaches, but every once in a while, I get plain sick of them. . . . and today is one of those days.

Okay, enough whining. . . I think my 2 year old is rubbing off on me. He has taken the art of whining to a whole new level. Seriously, if whining was an Olympic sport, Isaac would be a gold medalist. His whining in the morning while rushing around to get ready and out the door. . . wow, if it wasn't so irritating and obnoxious, I would almost be proud of how tenacious he is and his stamina to whine about the same thing for so long.

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

The Rotter

2011-01-31T14:45:00.001-06:00

My mom is a helper - it is just in her DNA to serve. She was over babysitting one night and went through our fridge to clean out the nasty stuff that I forget about (ok let's be honest - I forget about it, remember it, but by that time I am too grossed out to touch it!). She then organized our fridge (also part of her DNA, organization. . .was I adopted?).

A few days ago, I went to the grocery store and after my mom's helpful organization I could see what we had and what we needed. I picked up some green grapes, among other things, since we were out and my kids love grapes like candy. Actually they love fruit more than candy (praying this phase will last!).

Upon arriving home (there is a point here. . . keep reading!) I started to put the groceries away and just happened to see a little green showing through the bottom drawer of our fridge - you know the ~~Rotter~~ Crisper. I NEVER use this drawer for the simple fact that I forget it exists and then anything that does get put in here ROTS! My mom (and the rest of the world apparently) don't have this problem and so logically she put the fruit that we had (grapes and blueberries) in this drawer. Thankfully I found them before they rotted - we just had a supper of fruit!

Yesterday when my mom was over, I asked her to not put any food in the ~~Rotter~~ Crisper again as I forget about it. She said, "Well, it's a clear drawer isn't it? Don't you see what's in there when you are looking around?"

The simple answer is "no." The lengthy answer is "No, but I have no idea why and maybe I should seek help on why looking down in my fridge is such a challenge for me."

You see if food - fruit in particular - is not eye level in front of me, I tend to forget about it. Since having kids, my outlook on fruit has changed a lot, but before then. . . . well, lets just say that unless we were talking about fruit juice, fruit snacks, fruit loops, etc. the word fruit was not a regular part of my diet.

I like fruit, I really do - just when given the option of something else. . well it took a backseat. Since having kids and wanting them to grow up healthy and strong, I make fruit a bigger part of our menu. But, I would buy fruit, stick it in the ~~Rotter~~ Crisper and forget about it. Even though I knew it was important to the health and well-being of my family.

So now fruit and any other food that my mind deems less than desirable, but necessary is right in front of me at eye level in the fridge. . . no excuse now!

I got to thinking about this today. How easy it is to overlook things in life that are good for me and yet maybe do not give me the instant satisfaction or delight that something else might. Give me the choice between the chips and dip of life or the fruit of life and 9 out of 10 times, I am gonna grab me some chips and dip! Especially if the good (the fruit) is not layed before me on a constant basis, right in front of my eyes. It is so easy to forget about the benefits of 'fruit': being patient, finding joy in the mundane, building relationship with God, thinking on things that are good, finding your passion and doing something about it, etc.

I find that I get these great ideas or I feel really motivated to do something, but I so quickly forget about it and instead pick up the 'chips and dip' of: I am too tired, I am too busy, I am not good enough, I have young kids so I can't, etc. In the short term, these feel real and like truth. But in the long run, a steady diet of 'chips and dip' will make me fat, lazy, unhealthy from the inside out.

So, the lesson that I have learned and started to put into practice is to write out goals, lessons, things I want in my life that are ultimately good for me, but maybe are hard at the beginning. I want to open the fridge of my life and see, "Spend time with God." "Be intentional with my kids." "Submit an article to be published." "Do the dishes every night."

Since I am a visual person I have decided to write out some of these (and others) and place them on cards around my house. The bathroom mirror, on the fridge (maybe in the fridge!), in my van, etc.

What is the fruit in your life? What are the chips and dip?

My ONE word for 2011

2011-01-28T10:34:00.000-06:00

I listen to a Christian radio station KLOVE on the way to work (after dropping kids off since they love the watch this in the van) and at the beginning of January the morning show hosts started talking about choosing ONE word for 2011. They got the idea from Lysa Terkeurst who for the past few years has asked God for one word to shape/define her year. Kind of a different take on New Year's resilutions.

I have been pondering doing this myself, but I didn't know what word to choose. I kept thinking it had to do with something relating to my biggest struggle in life which is fear. So I kept thinking of all kids of words that are the opposite of fear - peace, hope, strength, etc. Nothing seemed to fit.

Then a few days ago, I was listening to KLOVE again and Lisa (morning co-host) was talking about how she was struggling to choose her word for the year. She continued on to say basically what I had been feeling - trying to 'force' a word so to speak. She then realized she hadn't asked God specifically what her word should be. So, one night, laying in bed she did just that and she heard a word impressed on her heart that was completely different than any of the words she had been thinking of - she knew God had now given her a word for 2011.

You may know where this is going - I took this to heart and asked God while driving to work what my word should be. I love God - for multiple reasons, but His care for me amazes me. I heard (and when I say heard, for me it was like an impression/thought that popped into my head-not an audible voice) the word DELIGHT.

Hmmm, now if you will glance up at the title of my blog you will see that word in the title. I have a bracelet that my mom gave me for my 30th birthday that has the verse from Psalms 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart."

I ~~think~~ know that God has been preparing me for this word and this year. I would have never thought of this word (as obvious as it seems) for my life this year. I would love to lead a more delightful life, to be more satisfied, joyful, etc. But I focus so often on the problems and struggles in my life that I forget to look at what God has for me and what He sees in me.

Read the definition of the word DELIGHT:
-noun
1. a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture:
2. something that gives great pleasure:
-verb (used with object)
3. to give great pleasure, satisfaction, or enjoyment to; please highly:
–verb (used without object)
4. to have great pleasure; take pleasure (fol. by in or an infinitive):

I forget that He wants me to delight or take pleasure in Him, He wants for me to delight or give great pleasure, satisfaction, please highly Him. He desires to delight or give me a high dgree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy in Him and in life. He promises to give me the desires of my heart when I delight myself in Him-see Psalms 37:4 again.

To me that means that He won't leave me when I am in trouble or afraid, He won't despise me when I make a mistake. He will always forgive me when I ask, He will provide for me, protect me, love me. He will have a plan for me - even bigger and better than I could dream (see Jeremiah 29:11-13).

I don't have any illusions that now life in 2011 will be perfect and without fear - in fact, I may go through more or different struggles this year. But I want to have a relationship with God that is one of delight and love, not one of fear and measuring up. I want to know that in the midst of the great times God is my rock and my peace and joy and I want to know in the bad times that God is my rock and my peace and joy.

What journey is God leading you on in 2011?

Potty training, sick kids and life in between

2011-01-26T13:43:00.000-06:00

Even after I typed the title to this post, I chuckled to myself. . . what life in between? When these 2 occasions are happening, life pretty much revolves around the toilet and the doctor.

We started potty training Isaac on Saturday, January 16 after reading a book that our dear daycare provider Mary gave us. It is called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day and that along with Isaac practically begging to use the toilet all the time worked for us. We did not follow the book exactly, but it was very helpful! Isaac had 3 accidents the first weekend and 2 accidents the following week and since then has been a star! We are so proud of him! He even stays dry at night. Although we are now having to work on not letting him get up 6 times/night to pee. . . *sigh*. But overall I consider it a success.

Piper has been congested for MONTHS and we have just attributed it to common cold, teething, weather, virus, etc. Her pediatrician agreed - well, finally we had enough and lo and behold before we went in for her 15 month appt. she spiked a fever and her pediatrician said she had a double ear infection and possible sinus infection. It is so hard to tell in kids. . . becuase they do get snot nosed from a whole lot of things. We love our pediatrician and appreciate his candor, willingness to listen and manner with our kids. So, we are on round 2 of antibiotics. . . . first one wasn't strong enough. . . *sigh*.

I know the above information is not super interesting, but I wanted to A) document it B) get past writers block C) brag about my boy ;)!! ha!

Life otherwise has been the same and different. I feel like I God is drawing me in a new direction-I feel like passions that I once had and thought were dead are coming back to life and passions I never had are coming to the surface. My desire for God is so strong and I feel a change is coming. And yet, for the first time ever, I feel a peace and contentment in His timing. I am not trying to force anything - which if you know me, is a miracle. I see God's timing and hand on my life of being a wife, a mom, an employee and most importantly, a child of God being prepared. Does that make sense to anyone but me? Keep in mind I have not written anything in months!

I guess ultimately I know that He will guide my steps - I just want to continue to delight myself in Him. I heard an artist on the radio talking about a recent song say that if you want to build a relationship with God, just do the things you would do to get to know someone in any other relationship in life. Sounds simple, but what a profound thought-I felt like a lightbulb went off. Yes, I know, sometimes I am slow.

Well, here's to hoping writer's block is gone - I apologize if this post is random and ambiguous. . . but then again it's my blog. . . .

Happy Wednesday!

Because it's Friday

2010-10-29T09:13:00.000-05:00

Because my brain function is at all all time low.

Because I have multiple post ideas that are half done and yet I have neither the energy or brain function (see above) to finish.

This is a list. . . totally random, totally me.

1. Why oh why must I always get behind the slowest driver in the world when I am in a rush? Seriously it is like Murphy's Law with a side dish of Christy's Luck.

2. I never think of myself as a perfectionist. See my house and you will see this is true. But this morning, upon bringing a chocolate cake with pretty orange frosting to work, I discovered the top had been smashed and some of the frosting had peeled off. . . . and I almost (no joke) threw the whole cake away. Does this indicate I have a problem?

3. What is the deal with senior pictures now days? I have seen some lately (beauty of facebook) where these kids have like 10 outfit changes and their pictures (girls especially) are in like these model/sexy poses. . . . aren't these kids like 17, 18??? Maybe I am jealous - if you see my senior pictures you would ask how my stomach felt becuase I look slightly sick.

4. I love getting coffee from a coffee shop. . . but here's the kicker. I enjoy the coffee, but for me it is more of a mental treat. I love the feel of the cardboard coffee cup, the smell, the comfort and taste that first sip brings. . . . really, is there something wrong with me? I rarely finish my cup too. . . what a waste I know, but hey that's how I roll.

5. My kids are the cutest kids ever. Ever. Just sayin'.

6. I have determined that my house will never be clean like I imagine it should. You know ladies/moms-the "should" picture you have in your mind. All the toy bins labeled and toys actually in them. The clothes all hung up nicely in the closets or in their respective labeled dirty clothes bin. Dishes/food put away in the cabinets with specific, labeled places for everything. Yes, I know I have a thing about labeling. . .I am sure you are thinking, "hey if I stopped by Christy's house, everything would be labeled". Well, yeah you thought wrong. Oh so wrong.

7. I am starting not to care about number 6. My kids know that I love them, my hubby knows that I love him. Now I just need to let myself love myself - in spite of my dirty house.

8. I would hire a cleaning lady in a heartbeat if we could even come close to affording it. Seriously, I would give up a lot to have a cleaning lady. A toe, finger, possibly even a kidney (I have 2 after all).

9. Maybe I care more about number 6 than I would like to admit. But I am working on it.

Have a great weekend everyone! And Dee, are you happy now?????

A day in the life. . .

2010-09-24T20:51:00.000-05:00

This is an average day in our house. Piper up at 6:00 (sometimes she lets us sleep till 6:15!), Mark gets her dressed while I start to get ready. Mark usually gives Piper a little snack of yogurt and Cheerios. Isaac gets up at 6:50 (when his little clock turns green) and Mark gets him dressed while I finish getting ready. Goal is to be out the door around 7:12 so I can be pulling out of the driveway at 7:15. . . some days this happens, most days I am pulling out at 7:20. After we leave, Mark gets ready in peace. I drop kids off at daycare (after I have come upstairs, given Isaac at least 3 kisses, 2 hugs and Piper at least 2 kisses and a hug - Isaac 'demands' this) and then speed to work, driving by the coffee shop wishing I had more time and money to stop.

Then I am at work from 8-5 as is Mark. Mark picks up the kids and gets home around 5:30. I get home about 5:15. We get dinner ready, talk about the day, eat, play, go to park, give kids bath, put Piper to bed at 7:45, Isaac starts bedtime routine at 8:15-he is HOPEFULLY (but rarely) sleeping at 8:45 (more like 9-and yes, I know, we are working on this), maybe occasionally clean the house (and I do mean maybe occasionally) get online for 5 minutes, decide we are pooped and are in bed at 9:30. The time from 5-9:30 really does seem to go by as fast as this last paragraph-it is crazy.

Why have I just bored you with our day? Because 5 days a week, this is our day. Maybe a few variations here or there if we have to go to the store, but all in all-this is our life.

It is SO easy to complain about the mundane routine of this life. . . but then I read about a fellow blogger at A Cracked Pot or The Real Life of a Red Head and I am reminded that I have so very very much to be thankful for and no reason to complain.

I am healthy, I can play and be active with my kids and husband. I can cook for them. I can clean for them (although I don't as often as I should). My kids are healthy. The only thing keeping me awake with worry is a cough from Piper's recent cold. Not too major-just run of the mill stuff. I am not fearful of my child crashing, needing emergency surgery or dying.

Mark asks why I read some of the blogs I do. Yes, some of them are sad, some don't always have 'happy' endings, but all give me a chance to get out of myself, pray for others and I benefit too by being reminded that life is precious and I have so very much to be thankful for.

It is what it is. . . or is it?

2010-08-31T17:30:00.001-05:00

I often times find myself wallowing self-pity. I tend to look at myself and life at times through I Wish glasses. . . . I wish I didn't have my post baby body; I wish I had discipline to eat right & exercise to get rid of my post baby body; I wish I was more organized; I wish I didn't have these weird little red dots at random places on my body; I wish I was a little taller (not sure why, I just do); I wish I could write more; I wish I could sing better; I think you get my point. . . . . it seems that no matter what happens, good, bad or wonderful, I still have the thought of I wish ____.

Example: We have an absolutely wonderful daycare provider for our kids. Mary is so dedicated to caring for kids. She has been doing daycare for 23 years-it truly is a calling for her, not just a 'pasttime'. Mary emails me pictures of the kids a couple times a week and sends me at least one text per day if not many more with pictures included! She prays for our kids, teaches them life lessons and allows them to just be kids. I don't know if I could do a better job at what she does (and I really say that in a non-demeaning way towards myself)-she is just so gifted with kids. Soooooo, today I get a few texts from her and I am quoting them because she is just so funny and unique.

Sonny (her name sometimes for Isaac) pooped in pot. Piper ate cheese, plum slivers, bits of PNB sandwich.

Tell Mark that Piper made it over that board she took a header on. This time she caught herself with hands and hand-walked til her legs made it!

So, Piper goes on knees, and 'walks' on them, grinning ear 2 ear. she puts a rigid tool belt on her arm, and twirls it like a hula hoop. funny baby!

Sleepin now, little butt stickin up. She yawned, rubbed her eyes, and came over for a snuggle after the funny stuff, dear heart. . .

I texted back after this one that it made me teary eyed hearing that.

Me too. I am blessed.

What is the point of all this you ask? Why would those texts have anything to do with the I Wish glasses? I started thinking. . ."I wish I was there to see all of these fun things happening. . . . . I wish I could stay home with our kids. . . . . . . . I wish I was a better mother. . . . ." See where this leads?????

I was really getting myself down and out and even tearing up about it (yes at work), but then something hit me. Why can't/don't I look at this day and these events in a positive light? Why is not my first thought "We are so fortunate to have someone watching the kids that loves them and cares for them. . . . we are so blessed to have Mary who involves us as much as possible in the day to day activities of our kids lives. . . . we have the best daycare provider ever. . . . "

Now that does not mean all pangs of guilt and self-pity and frustration and yes jealousy are gone, but it definitely is getting me out of myself and more to what is important and what is reality.

I love my kids. I try to be the best mom I can be to them and yet I know I have and will fail them. Beating myself up about mothering does nothing. Learning and loving and seeking God in how to change does everything.

"Be the mom you are, not the mom others say you should be!" -quote from adoptive mother in recent All God's Children International newsletter

Where's Christy?

2010-08-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

I am here-just busy. Seems my intentions to 'blog' every night have fallen by the wayside. . . it is not that I don't think about it. I really do. It is just that I am either on my way to bed, in bed, or too dang crabby to post anything I won't regret at a later date! Yes, I am sure you are all tired of hearing me ~~complain~~ talk about our kids and their lack of sleep and therefore our lack of sleep. Well, we (Mark & I in case you were confused) turned into mean parents in the last couple weeks.

The turning point was Isaac waking up 7 times. . . . um, yeah, he is 2. . . .what the heck!?!?!?!?! And Piper was getting up twice. . . once for a blessed 20 minutes and once for an hour. . . or more. . . not such a blessed time anymore.

So, we cut Piper off from the bottle gradually by giving her water in it. . . she drank it the first night. . . took a few sips the next and refused it after that. By day 5 she was sleeping through the night. We have now had 2 nights of Piper sleeping through the night!!!!!!!

Isaac, our dear boy. Well, we had a little talk with him before bed one night and told him if he got out of bed at night, he would get a spanking. Yes, we went there. . . .we do not use spankings very often as a form of discipline. We usually do 1 2 3 time out. . . .but, Isaac knows that spankings mean business (usually. . .the other times he just laughs and asks for a spanking. . . and yes, it is just as infuriating as it sounds). So, to bed he went and when he woke up at 2am, I went in and gave him a light 'reminder' swat and told him to get back in bed and stay there or he would get another spanking (Mark and I had talked that the 1st spanking would be more of a reminder and after that we would be more firm). Well, something connected in his little brain because he stayed in bed and did not get out until morning. Whoo Hoo! He has gone between waking once or twice a night since then, so we still have some work to do, but he is getting better. He gets excited when he can say he "me sleep through night". . . so we are thinking of creating a rewards chart for sleeping and potty (oh yes, we are there too).

All in all though Mark and I feel like we are returning to the land of the living. . . the land that doesn't need to go to bed at 9pm in order to get a few hours of sleep before the nightmare of kids waking up all the time!!

I hope to get back to blogging at least every other night, but we will see. I have so much to say and hopefully people will want to read it! If not. . . at least I still get to say it!

One final note: for those of you who have kids who have slept through the night from 6 weeks (or earlier). . . I am working to not be insanely jealous and somewhat resentful. . . . just kidding. . . kind of. . . :). For those of you with kids who are like ours who just love us so much they can't bear to be apart for more than 3 hours at a time (yes this is the lie I tell myself when I feel like I stink as a parent in the area of sleep), we feel your pain. . . we know that it gets better and then worse, then a lot better and then so bad that you want to claw your eyes out becuase they burn from lack of sleep. We are in the battle with you!!

A little of this, a little of that

2010-08-02T21:38:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to write about today, but then I realized hey, this is my blog that is for me first and foremost and I love to write, so who cares if I make any sense?

Forgive the randomness of the following entries and they are not in chronological order, but this is what has been on my mind lately.

Thought 1:
I found out that a former co-worker was just diagnosed with terminal cancer-it is in her lungs, liver and brain. She found out about 3 weeks ago and hospice care has come in to assist her. She has one son who is in his 20s and a brother, but that is about it for family (that I am aware of). She is a very independant, strong (to a fault maybe) woman who loves her son. I cannot imagine finding out one day that you have maybe a couple months to live. How does your brain process this? I don't know where she is at in her beliefs, but I get the impression she is not a christian. I have been specifically praying for the Holy Spirit to move in her heart and if she has not already that she make a comittment to Christ. . . it is never too late. I think back to when I worked with her and wonder if I missed opportunities to share with her. But then I think that God loves her more than I could ever imagine and even if I "missed" my chance, it is not I who do the saving.

Thought B:
I have discovered that I am afraid to be alone with our kids. Wow, hard for me to admit that, but it is true to some degree. Mark has had some side work going on the last couple weekends and this project and others will keep his weekends tied up for a while. It dawned on me the other day why I get so uptight before the weekend. The amount of energy, planning, patience, did I say energy that are needed for me to have this awesome quality time with my kids is overwhelming for me and kind of freaks me out. I feel like I need to make the time we have on the weekends super fun and meaningful (yes I realize my kids are 2 and 10 months) since I am away from them for 40 hours/week. It has reminded me of an article I read a long time ago about a divorced dad who every weekend had this big huge outing planned for his kids. . . he wanted their time together to be special and show them that he loved them. One day after months and months of the zoo, picnics, Chuck E Cheese, horseback riding, movies, carnivals, etc., one child said, "Dad, can we just stay home?" The father wondered if he did something wrong, if the kids didn't like being with him and so he asked just that. The child responded, "No we love being with you, but Dad you don't need to entertain us all the time, just be with us." Lightbulb moment for me. . . . so this weekend, I am just going to go with the flow and just hang out with my kids.

Thought 3:
Isaac started swimming lessons tonight. . . .oh my what a little cutie! He was so excited and he did so well. Since he is only 2, Mark was with him and I think Mark had just as much fun as Isaac. Piper and I watched and sweated to death as it is an indoor pool with 150% humidity. I stripped off Pipers' bottoms early on and wished I could do the same for me!!!

Isaac and Mark getting ready to go swimming!

Isaac so proud that he was 'standing' in the pool (they have a platform that is in the water so the little kiddies can stand).

I know this is not the greatest picture, but I was trying to catch Isaac's delighted face-Mark's too! But, my photography skills are lacking, so this picture is what you get instead.

"Seriously Mommy, why am I sweating to death out here when there is a nice refreshing pool 20 feet away?"

(And yes, I gave in and gave her a nuk because she was hot and tired, I was hot and tired and really she is still a baby-so there)

Thought C4:

It is such a joy to watch the kids discover and like new things. We bought some new tupperware the other day and I took it out of the box and let Piper play with it for a while before I washed and put it away (ok, so it is washed but not put away yet). You would have thought we bought her FAO Schwartz (I may have mispelled that but you get the point). She LOVED it. . . . she sat and played with those tupperware containers for a good 15 minutes and would have continued has it not been bedtime and mean mom came over and ruined her fun. Note to self: buy kids household items for toys. . . they are much cheaper and they like them so much better! Christmas list: plastic serving spoon, check; tupperware, check; toilet paper, check check!

And now a moment to show random pictures of the kids. . . just because I can!

"Mom, don't interrupt. . . we're playing!"

Yes I realize she is wearing the same shirt as the pool picture, but hey I love the shirt! Look at that smile!!! Ah-LOVE it!

Much to the delight of his father, Isaac has decided he likes to wear my shoes. . .the ones with heels.

And one final question-does anyone know how to load pictures faster?!?!? It took me WAY too long to put these pics up.

Quotes. . . oh how I love them

2010-07-22T22:01:00.000-05:00

I love quotes. . . .I love the famous ones, the odd ones, the ones that are jokes between friends, movie quotes-I think you get the picture.

At an old job, I used to have a quote of the week underneath my signature. . . . yeah, I know. . . .call me a dork.

It was my mission each week to find the best quotes to remind myself and others of the fun, good, amazing things in life. Of course now, I have no time to search for quotes, but when a good one falls in my lap. . . ah, it's like Christmas.

I had a good friend in college who kept a quote book. . .still does to this day and she would write down the things we (her friends) would say. I mean, the funny, the dumb, the insightful and profound. . .(ok so they were more along the funny/dumb line, but occaisionally we would be intelligent). It was so fun to look back on what we said and remember the times we had together.

I have also come across some quotes recently that have really made me pause and think about life (I won't get too deep). I wanted to share two of those.

"Happiness in unpredictable, the key is to be content."
I think my sister in law Lorrie said this, but I will have to verify. At first when I read it I thought, hmm, well why can't I want happiness all the time? But then I got to thinking and it hit me that I am not happy all the time in my life right now. . . I get frustrated at work and the fact that I have to work somedays, I wish for our kids to be older so we could do more things and yet I am sad at how fast they are growing and how much I feel I am missing. But honestly, I am content. . . really I am. I know that life is always changing and I am thankful for that fact (which has been a hard lesson for me to learn, but that is another story) and I have realized that there is a time and place for everything and I am able to rest in that and be content. That quote is a great reminder on the days I feel myself sliding.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
--Washington Irving
A long lost high school friend has this posted on her wall-her younger brother was killed in May in a motorcycle accident. I have not found a quote in a long time that moves me quite like this one. I think every single person in life can relate to this. We have all known pain and tragedy (some far more than others) and we have all experienced love. . . .and at least for me, I have always felt a little ashamed/embarassed by my tears. I am a crier. . . I have cried at a Cheerios commercial before and I sobbed through my best friend's wedding. I cry when I am tired or scared and I cry when others cry (it's like a sneeze-very catching). This quote made me realize there is purpose in my tears. That purpose is just for me, but it is so healing and cleansing for me to cry (yes even at Cheerios commercials) and now I see powerful too. So, break out the Kleenex, I am not going to even atttempt to hold back anymore.

What are some of your favorite quotes?

P.S. Please pray tonight for the moms and dads who have suffered an infant loss and/or infertility. This is so heavy on my heart lately. I cannot imagine the pain. It seems to be a pain that is not acknowledged in the way that it should or could be. If you know someone personally dealing with this, send them a card or call them to let them know that you care.

So many thoughts

2010-07-20T21:16:00.000-05:00

Life and Death

I have been reading so many blogs lately on people who are struggling with such huge tragedies in their lives. . .infant loss, cancer, premie babies, infertility, sick children. . . . and yet in almost everyone that I have read, God has been given the glory. . . . people are not saying hey I am fine with this circumstance, but they are saying, I hate this, but I love and trust God through it. . .. I think that is overwhelming and powerful and makes my life of little sleep seem downright pathetic. I pray that I have the grace and faith these ladies have as I walk through the good and bad in life.

The humor, honesty and faith behind each person as they tell their story in their own words is so incredible. Are they hard to read? Yes. Does they make you cry? Yes. Do you have a greater appreciation for your kids, your life, your spouse, your health, your God? YES YES YES! These people have an enormous ministry as they share their journeys of grief, hope, life and death.

I think of my own life. . . . I have truly been blessed beyond measure. I have a wonderful husband, 2 healthy, beautiful children, a crazy dog, a house, a good job, great family and a God who is gracious and merciful and loves me in spite of me.

One blogger wrote as she watched her 2 week old son struggle to live, (paraphrased) "I would give anything to have sleepless nights, just to be able to hold my son and have him not hurt". . . . wow-that hit me hard since me chief complaint in life lately is that I get so little sleep. I realized how selfish I can be in my attitude about life and how I think everything revolves around me. Not a fun thing to admit. . . very humiliating actually. There are so many people who would give anything to just have a healthy baby at home-who cares about sleep!

So, my resolution is to really cherish the life that I have. . .the good and the bad. I want to have the faith that I see in those around me who are going through such awful circumstances. . . I want to involve God in my life on a more daily basis.

Random thoughts

2010-07-06T21:28:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I have written. No reason other than our crazy life took over for a while! We went to the lake with my parents, brother and his boys over the 4th of July weekend and we had a blast! It still takes me a while to get my brain used to the idea that now with children vacation does not equal relaxation, it means a HECK of a lot more work. But, that being said, we still had lots of fun (my attitude was a big part of this, I think).

Honestly I would love to post some pics and tell you more about it, but I am so bone tired it is scary. Parents, do you ever get frustrated by how tired you get just in the course of your everyday life with kids, work, house, etc.? I hate it!! I mean, I love spending time with my kids and we make it a priority to spend as much time as we can with them once we get home from work. . . but, whew! I am tired by the time the kiddos are sleeping I have little to no energy to do much of anything. I started running last week because looking 4 months pregnant all the time is not a good look. . . . and I am not exaggerating about that. A guy stopped in my office a few months ago and I had not seen him in a while and he came in and said, "Oh, your expecting another baby?" I said (as nicely as I could without crying), "Nope, I had her already, she is 5 months old. . . . ." Of course he felt bad, but um, yeah . . . .I felt worse. But it still took me another 4 months to really do anything about it other than feel sorry for myself! I say all that to say, what energy I do have in the evenings I have been trying to devote to running.

I love reading other blogs and it was so fun to day to read what everyone did over the 4th and all the cute ways they decorated their house, food, car, bike, etc. I read blogs like that and think, "Man, I wish I could be like that. . . all creative and the type to plan ahead and not at the last minute think CRAP I need to bring potato salad so let's run by Hornbacher's and get some on the way to the lake!" But I am also learning (some days better than others) that I cannot compare myself to others in anyway. I am a unique person and being myself is hard enough some days without the added pressure to be like everyone else too. Do other moms ever feel that way? Do we intentionally try to make ourselves look like supermom when inside we are really just one step away from being 'that lady' that everyone whispers about? I have yet to hear a mom honestly say that she has 12 loads of laundry to do, dishes overflowing in her sink and toys everywhere in the house. Oh and dinner. . .it's mac and cheese again. . .for the 3rd time that week. I am guilty too. . . . I so often try to act like I am a much more put together mom than I actually am. I am still learning this art of being a parent and some days feel like the learning curve is too high.

One final thought. . . . my 2 year old wipes his mouth off every time I give him a kiss. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until grade school?!?!?!?

Wonderful, amazing

2010-07-01T09:04:00.001-05:00

So this is the part where I get to brag about my kids. I completely understand if you want to stop reading right now.

The last couple weeks, Isaac has just been amazing us with how big and 'grown up' he is getting. his list of accomplishments are as follows (and again, I understand if you need to stop reading now-parental bragging is usually nauseating to everyone but parents and grandparents):

1) Starting to speak more regularly in sentences-and not just repeating what we say. The other day he held up a toy that he has not played with in a long time, but he used to play with it ALL THE TIME and Isaac picked it up and said, "Remember this Mommy, Remember this toy?". . . . um. . . okay, I do remember it, but how do you. . . and where did you learn to talk???

2) Can hang from just about anything. This is thanks to Mary (daycare) because she has this wonderful swing set and it has a bar swing (not sure if that is the right term, but I think you get the picture) and he stand on this little chair, grabs the bar and 'jumps' off the chair and hangs/swings. . . .so now at the park the bars are a close second behind swinging!! Maybe this isn't that amazing to everyone else, but in my minds eye, Isaac is 6 months and still my baby!!

3) Isaac is starting to sing songs on his own, totally out of the blue. On any given day at any given moment, he will be singing Jesus Loves Me, Do Your Ears Hang Low, Twinkle Twinkle, and Have Patience - and sometimes they are all mixed together!! It is the most adorable thing and I am amazed at his ability to remember songs. . . . well, Jesus Loves Me he should know forward and backwards since we have sang (sung?) it to him thousands of times since he was born!!! But the others. . . wow!!!

Okay, I could continue, but I will stop for now. . . . . oh one more thing, lest you think I have forgotten my sweet daughter.

Her talent is being the cutest little girl ever!! Look at those lips!! Her go to expression now is to tuck her lips in. . . . LOVE IT!!

Attitude Update

2010-06-28T22:09:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, you are thinking, "is it really an update if she just told us about it yesterday?"

Well, yes it is.

Here's why.

Has anyone ever had someone stop by unannounced, say just after dinner while trying to do the evening scramble to fit in playing, housework, and bedtime? And is that someone a someone you don't want to see the disaster your house is because you haven't cleaned up the table after dinner and there are toys everywhere? Oh and do you have your favorite (albeit ugly) pajama pants on? Yes, yes and yes. . . . I have. . .tonight.

Did I make a snide comment to said (actually unsaid) person about using a phone? No. Did I shut the door in their face? No. Did I invite them in and make polite mature conversation? YES!!!!

Aren't you proud?

Attitude Check

2010-06-27T21:21:00.000-05:00

I guess I have always known that my attitude made a difference, but not until being married and even more so with kids, have I begun to see that my attitude seems to be a huge determining factor in if we are going to have a good day or not.

This past Saturday, my parents came over to help us get stuff up on the walls - finally! As I sit here typing it is so nice to look around and see pictures and candles and other fun stuff on the walls instead of just walls. Any who, back to attitude. The kids slept awful Friday night. . . . honestly I think they know when we have things planned the next day. SO, I woke up very tired and ~~bitchy~~ slightly cranky. This proceeded to go downhill during the course of the morning. Mark & I made snide remarks back and forth (I'm sure my parents were impressed at our communication skills) until my husband finally had enough at the lunch table and flat out told me he wasn't talking to me for a while after I made some comment. I pouted for a while (I'm sure my parents were impressed with my maturity) and then decided that some things weren't going to change. I was going to be tired all day. Our kids were going to be with us all day and therefore making getting things done around the house a little more challenging. So, I could change my attitude. I actually had this whole conversation in my head. . . .and then I proceeded to pout a little more. I know, you all are amazed at my maturity.

I finally went into the kitchen, apologized to Mark and we ended up having a great rest of the day. He offered Saturday night to get up with Piper in the middle of the night. . . .what a dear-I love him so much!

This morning, after almost a full night of sleep (I only had to get up to make the bottle!), I woke up very tired and feeling ready to become ~~bitchy~~ slightly cranky. But then I had the reminder of yesterday (I think God is so cool how He brings things to our remembrance) and I had to consciously think, "I am always going to feel tired and not be able to do everything I want to do-I have 2 small children". So I determined in my heart to make this day a good attitude day.

My family responds so quickly to my attitude whether it be good or bad. I am learning that it is my responsibility as a christian, wife, and mom to have a right attitude in the face of the frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes unfair parts of life. In the same way it is my responsibility to discipline my kids, make sure they get good food and sleep, work at my relationship with my husband, etc. I have the duty to keep my attitude in check.

It is a work in progress and I may have to re-read this post 100 times, but I will get there!

By the way, we had a GREAT day as a family. . . .hopefully you all are impressed with my attempts at maturity :)!

At least my kid is picking up on attitude ;)

Note: The only reason this picture is being posted is because it is the only one Mark took of Piper-I am aware of the way I look. Brilliantly white with stringy hair. . . . wow. Focus on the cute baby girl in my lap-it's less painful for everyone involved.

Isaac inspecting the wading pool at our friend's house.

From 7:30-8:20pm. . .

2010-06-24T20:55:00.000-05:00

. . . is our time alone with Isaac. Piper is usually sleeping by then and so its just me, Mark & Bubba time. There is something really sweet and special about getting to dedicate some time with just him, our firstborn. Now I am not saying at all that he is favored or loved more than Piper or any crazy notion like that-so if you are thinking that I will pause so you can close out of this blog. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . okay, back to what I was saying. Having kids as close together as we did is great in a lot of ways, but I sometimes feel like I (we) miss out on alone time with our kids because of it.

So, at night we play play doh and/or race track and/or hide under the covers and/or roll a ball off the tape measure (usually all of the above since Isaac's attention span varies) and tonight was especially fun because Isaac wanted to play 'sleep' - so we all climbed in the guest room bed, pulled the covers over us and pretended to sleep. Isaac thought this was hilarious. . . and Mark & I enjoyed the laying down part. . . it was almost like a mini-vacation!

I have also started to notice when he has more undivided attention he talks in longer sentences and seems to be much more verbal. . . which is hard to imagine since he talks all the time anyways.

A few minutes before Daddy took him back to bed to read books, say prayers, etc., Isaac was sitting in our new $100 chair (another story) and he just looked at me and smiled. . . .then hopped off the chair, walked over and said, "kiss Mommy". . . . .oh how I love this boy.

Why Delighted and Peaceful?

2010-06-22T21:09:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking the last few days about the title of my blog and the description of my kids. . . .and being me I have been over thinking it. Is it a good title, is it a good description of my kids, am I really as scattered as I come across on my blog, and really what is the point of my blog? Yes, I know. . . over thinking.

So, I thought I would share in both picture and word the answers I have come up with so far. We went to the lake this weekend to spend time together as a family and with my parents and my brother and his boys. There were so many fun moments that will forever be hidden away as memories and there were many stressful moments that I am sure I will blog about later. . . and they too will forever be memories. Life is not only about the fun perfect memories-it is about the mix of the good and the bad and hopefully in the end, there are more good than bad.

Okay, so back to my questions and answers:

Is it a good title?

Looking at this picture, yes I think it is. No, I am not always feeling delighted and peaceful. . . . some days I can hardly get to sorta happy and not panicked. But the more I look at my kids and think about the reason I wanted to start a blog, I think I will stick with my title. It is something for me to strive for to find delight and peace in my life, not only when I look at my kids, but in all areas.

Is this a good description of my kids?

This is Isaac waving to Piper, making her laugh after waking up from his nap in the car. And yes, he is just sitting there in a t-shirt, diaper, socks and shoes-his shorts got wet at the Mississippi Headwaters. But this is my son, happy from the moment he wakes up until you try to get him to go to sleep. He is energetic 100% of the time and always ready to learn something new. He is a delight in every sense of the word.

This is Piper with her cousin Riley who is 7, soon to be 8. She sat and played with him (more like him with her) for at least 30 minutes. She was so content to watch his face and play with a ball and hear him talk to her. She babbled on and on, the two of them enjoying a nice conversation that only kids can. She loves being with people and is content to just soak in their presence. She is content even when active and she has the quickest smile that makes you feel like you are so special to her.

Do I come across as a scatter brained nut on my posts?

Yes. . . .sometimes, but then again I am scatter brained and a little nutty, so I am just keeping it real!

What is the purpose of my blog?

Need I say anymore? Well, of course I don't need to, but I will.

I wanted to start a blog for a number of reasons. I heard an interview with Kate Goesslin (not sure on spelling and this is not an endorsement for or against her-she has enough issues without me weighing in!) on her new book. She said she wrote it because she wanted her kids to have something concrete to look back on so they would know what she felt and thought at that point in their lives. Now, I am not going to turn this into a book, but the idea of the kids having a glimpse of me and our life as a family at this point in our lives appeals to me in so many ways. I hate my picture being taken (for reasons exhibited in above photo-notice the crazy looking bangs), so I am not in many pictures, but this is a way I can share myself with them. Make sense? Oh it doesn't. . . .too bad, it makes sense to me!

Also, writing in my blog gives me the chance to make time for something I have loved to do for a long time but never taken the time to do. I feel like I owe my reader(s) (I know I always have at least one-Mark!) to post something every day or at least every other.

So there you have it-even if you didn't want it. Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my crazy mind.

Magazine Junkie

2010-06-18T20:52:00.001-05:00

I will admit it. . . I love magazines. If I had all the money in the world I would have subsciptions to People (yes I know its tacky and full of celebrity mumbo jumbo, but really. . .have you ever not read the cover or flipped through it while standing in line at Walmart for 45 minutes because they only have 2 lines open when there are 1000 people in the store-why don't they open, oh I don't know another 5 lines. . . . at least. . . they have 25 registers. . . what for????? But I digress-sorry.), Redbook, Allure, Real Simple, Rachel Ray, Ladies Home Journal (no I'm not 90. . . but they have really good articles in there), and on and on and on.

Here's my problem though-I am too ~~broke~~ ~~cheap~~ thrifty to spend the $12-$50/year per magazine subscription, but buying them randomly in the store at $5 a shot seems just crazy too. . . . so I live in this in between world of wishing I could be the proud subscriber to numerous publications, but lo and behold, food for the kids, mortgages, cars, clothes, etc. take precedence for now. Darn it!

Cart Safety 101 (yes I know this is random, but just indulge me): Do not let your 4/5 year old son lay face down on the bottom of your Walmart shopping cart. His desire to touch the wheels will not be quenched by you telling him, "now honey don't touch the wheels". Only the agonizing pinch of wheel will teach that lesson. . . but really is this lesson worth teaching?? And mom/dad, your response to your screaming child of, "well honey I told you not to touch them" makes me want to punch you in the face. . . and then stick your finger in the wheel.

The Weekend

2010-06-17T20:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, I realize it's not the weekend. . .yet, but in anticipation of a fun Father's Day weekend with my family at the lake I thought I would reflect upon why we live for the weekend.

When I was a teenager I loved the weekends. It meant no school, no homework (at least not until 10pm on Sunday night). It meant Friday night plans with friends, Saturday sleeping in and cartoons (yes I loved cartoons even then) and then hanging out with friends. It was how I thought the other 5 days of the week should be lived.

Once I got married, I still loved the weekends. It meant no work, sleeping in and getting odds and ends (the fun kind like decorating, not cleaning) done around the house. It meant Saturday morning breakfast at Perkins and random day trips or just driving around looking at houses we would like to one day buy. It was Sunday morning church followed my Sunday afternoon naps to Nascar (really there is nothing better to nap too). It was how I thought the other 5 days of the week should be lived.

When we had kids, I LOVED the weekends. For the first part of Isaac's life I was a stay at home mom-a job I loved in a lot of ways, but learned was not for me in a lot of ways too (a whole diferent story for another time). But weekends at that time meant HELP! It meant that I was not the only one responsible for Isaac and I could actually shower and eat without a little person crying or crawling in my lap demanding attention. But it also meant fun family bonding time. It was a great time to watch Mark interact with our son and to begin to build family memories. Once Piper arrived and I knew I would be returning to work, weekends were less about the help (although I still looked forward to it) and more about spending time together as a family. I realized even before returning to the working world that I needed to spend quality time with the kids and Mark as the amount of time I had with them would soon be limited.

As the kids get a little older and we are able to do more activites, it seems like the weekends get almost as busy as the work week. I love activities and being on the go, but I hope we never lose the part about weekends I love the most. . . being able to relax, hang out in pajamas and spend quality time with my family. Oh and dream about sleeping in again. . . someday. After all, that is how the other 5 days should be lived

It Worked!

2010-06-16T08:56:00.000-05:00

So, after all my frustration with the email subscription thing. . . IT WORKED!! I am not sure what I did different to finally get it to work, but hey, I am gonna pretend I knew exactly what I was doing.

Since I am at work, I will keep this super short-and hopefully this will be one of the last maintenance type posts for a while. . . . .

Happy Wednesday!

A lesson in frustration

2010-06-15T21:31:00.000-05:00

So I was trying to be all fancy today and I added the little box to the left of your screen where it says you can subscribe to get an email every time I add a new post. . . and I have tried 4 times to get it to work, but alas it is smarter than me. The box shows up but so far no updates. Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am ready to throw the computer through a window. I hate feeling dumb when it comes to technology, but I have no clue what feeds are and if I want to to be a RSS, Owl, Atom, Bob or whatever (ok so I made Bob up).

AHHHHHHH!!

Okay I am over that for the moment.

Mark & I had an evening out tonight. Very much needed as we have been a little less than loving towards each other this past week. Lack of sleep will make you lash out and say the rudest things in the world. . . .I know we hurt the ones we love because they are a safe place but seriously. . . we needed muzzles a few times.

So Grandma and Grandpa came to the rescue and Mark & I had a hot date that consisted of Hobby Lobby (stuff for the kids rooms), Krolls Diner (2 for 1 burger platters including a shake-yummy!) and Barnes & Noble to do my favorite past time. . .READ!

So funny how kids change so many things, but honestly in regards to what we do on dates, not much has changed. We have never been the go out to the bars, concerts, night life kind of people. We have always just really enjoyed being together doing whatever. I am so glad that this has remained a constant for us. I think my sister (and others) think I am a bit of a bore in that regard, but we make fun out of whatever we do. And besides, if we went out for a night on the town it would be an early one because 2 drinks and I am sleeping!!!

What are some favorite date things you like to do? By the way, I will comment on my own post if no one else does!!! And keep it PG rated. . . .my kids will read this someday!

Cleaning Christy

2010-06-13T21:30:00.000-05:00

Cleaning Christy stopped by for a visit today. . . . CC as I will call her from now on is my split personality that comes out on whenever the house needs cleaning.

I have the amazing ability of going from a relatively normal, pleasant, some would even say kind person to this obsessed, b***hy, crabby woman Mark has "affectionatley" termed Cleaning Christy.

She would like me to share her thoughts on her behavior-and for the record I am not saying she is right or normal or anything. . . I am just letting you see CC's side of the story.

A little history about how CC came into existence:

I hate to clean-with a passion. Remember those lists you would make about what would you do if you won the lottery or made a million dollars? My list always had a cleaning lady on it. . . . I would pass up new cars, massages, clothes, etc. to have a cleaning lady.

Have I mentioned that we have 2 kids. . . . and a dog. . . and my husband & I both work full time outside the home. And we have moved 3 times since August 2009. . . .

So our house looks like this:

Did you really think I would post a picture of what our house looks like right now?????? I am all for being open and honest, but seriously you must be crazy to think I would be THAT open and honest. Just know that my house looks nothing like any magazine cover, HGTV design star, Martha Stewart, you name it show.

It looks lived in. . . . as in 4 college guys lived in who have a thing for legos, trucks and coloring books.

So anyway back to CC stopping by for a visit. I wanted to get the house a little picked up for our babysitter that was coming over at noon today. . . . and we got home from church at 10:45. Enough said, right?

In CC's defense, it is just hard to even remotely know where to begin when all she sees is toys everywhere with no place to go. Bare walls from having "just" moved in 2 months ago. A kitchen full of dirty dishes and an odd assortment of toys, paperwork and candy on the counter that can't seem to find a home anywhere else. Clothes (clean though) everywhere since we lack closet space and the time to organize a better solution.

CC just gets so frustrated because when do you find time to 'keep house' when you work 40 hours/week and then you get home and want to spend time with your kids because you only get to see them for 3 hours/day? Once they are in bed, all CC has energy for is a shower (maybe) and then off to bed because CC knows one of her beloved kids will be up sooner than later and for who knows how long (see previous post). . . so she need what sleep I can get.

CC has no time/energy to settle in and yet is tired of living like this move is temporary (and its not, I vow to not move again for at least 5 years). . . . . and frankly, so am I.

So, Cleaning Christy came for a visit today. She is gone now but until I win the lottery or have kids who sleep through the night (and the odds are about even on either one), I am sure she will be back.

Sleep. . . remind me what that is again?

2010-06-12T20:04:00.000-05:00

I have always needed sleep. . . maybe more than the average bear, but really, if I don't get a decent 7-8 hours of sleep on a regular basis my emotions, body, mind, etc. goes on a very fast downward spiral resulting in crying, headaches, not remembering what day of the week it is. . . you get the idea.

I knew this prior to having kids. But somewhere in my mind I figured that after the first couple weeks (oh how little I knew) my kid(s) would sleep for 10 straight hours every night, peacefully in their own beds.

I.

Was.

WRONG!

Isaac, being our beloved first born, has a very strong personality. He is a super happy kid, but also very observant and curious about the world (read: has to be a part of everything). From the moment he was born he has not liked sleep. I know a lot of you ( all 1 of you that read this blog) are thinking I am exaggerating, but honestly at the hospital the nurses would bring him to me in the middle of the night every 1 1/2 hours to eat. Cluster feeding they called it. . .little did they know that this would be a pattern for him for the next month. Then we were fortunate enough to have Isaac sleep for. . . 3 hours at a time. Ahh. . . and I would hear friends talking about their little ~~brats~~ angels sleeping through the night at 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 12 weeks, etc.

I held on to the hope that at the magical 4 month mark Isaac would sleep through the night like our pediatrican said some high percentage (I heard majority) of kids do. I will give you one guess as to if Isaac slept through the night by that time. . . .

NO!

I could bore you with the 24 months of sleep and lack thereof and every method in the world that we have tried, but I will leave you with this.

Isaac sleeps through the night about once a week. . . he's 2. . . .

Oh and did I mention I have an 8 month old. . . who doesn't sleep through the night either. . . but she only gets up once to eat. . . so she's ok. . . for now.

Sleep, where art thou???

In the beginning

2010-06-11T10:25:00.003-05:00

Since this blog is dedicated to my babies and my hubby too (since without him there would be no babies), I thought I would post some pictures from the first few days of their lives. Not the gross ones that shouldn't even be taken, much less shared, but the sweet ones where the little babes sleep all the time - you know the moment before they start to sleep when you want them to be awake and then they are awake when you want them to sleep. Oh the joys . . . . but in all honesty it is hard to remember back to when they were this little and it was not that long ago. . . they are still 'little'.

Okay, so ignore how bad I look and look at little Bubba. . . so sweet! This is our first picture together and probably one of only a handful since mommy doesn't like getting her picture taken!

And this is Bubba showing that even from an early age, all he wants is peace (note the fingers if you don't get my attempt at a joke).

~~Isaac~~ Piper laying so peacefully. . . looking exactly like her brother. At this point I think I was still in shock that we now had 2 babies under the age of 2. . . 16 1/2 months apart to be exact!

Here she is all ready to go home-thankfully we got to leave the hospital a lot sooner than we did with Bubba-there is only so much you can take on a tiny room, uncomfortable bed and nurses to help with everything. . . okay so the last part I could have used more of, but you get my point. . .I think.

Here is my crew a few weeks after Piper was born. . . . you will have to excuse Mark's tired expression-that's just how we look from then until they turn 18 and move out. . . I hope (for both-to not look tired and that they move out!).

Fast forward. . . here they are now! Bubba is 2 and Pipsqueak is 8 months. . . . my how time flies. Before you know it I will be posting their high school graduations!