. . .I would wake up each morning when my alarm went off (not 20 minutes later), pop out of bed, feeling rested and ready to conquer the day.
. . .my kids would not whine. Ever.
. . .someone would come in and wash my hair and fix it for me every morning, while I sipped coffee and read.
. . .I would find fullfillment in everything I'm doing and where I am at, instead of feeling like I am just going through the motions in some areas.
. . .dishes would clean themselves.
. . .and so would clothes, floors, bathrooms (especially toilets), dogs, etc.
. . .I would never obsessively worry about things I have no control over.
. . .I would not work a 8 to 5 job.
. . .my kids would never get sick, hurt, or scared.
. . .I would not care what people think of me, instead of just pretending not to care what people think and then inside being terrified that they won't like me.
This list could go on and on. And probably about more important things like salvation, world hunger, crime, etc., but for now and in my little world, this is where I am.
I feel like we (Mark & I and family) are in a time of transition.
What's changing you ask?
Nothing.
Nothing at all except for a sense of movement in our hearts and minds.
Towards what you ask?
No idea.
Not a clue.
See how informative I am today?
All I do know is that I am remaining open to change and trying to remain open even if that change is not what I had in mind (even though I don't have anything in mind).
Whew!
Annoyed with what I am trying to say but failing at miserably???
Welcome to my brain.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
It's raining, it's pouring. . .
Seriously, why does it have to rain this weekend? Although I am so ready for the weekend, it doesn't kill my mood too much.
WARNING: Random Post
*I am working at my 2nd seasonal job at a greenhouse tomorrow and Sunday, but if the weather is crummy, I may not be working as long. Either way, it is a fun job and although I miss the kids a ton, I still get time with them both days-just not as much as normal weekends.
*Some friends are coming to stay with us tonight. Jason is running on a relay team for the Fargo Marathon - better him than me! They have 2 little boys, so the kids should have a blast playing together.
*Last night we learned why having a birthday party in the evening right up until bedtime is a bad idea. . . . let's just say that after a few "I can't believe I just did that" moments in parenting, taking away a toy for today and countless times out of bed, Isaac fell asleep around 8:50pm. . . . ugh.
We are struggling with how to deal with a few certain behaviors - whining being the main one. Isaac is such a good kid and I have said before, I think that almost makes his bad behavior worse because we are just not used to it! His whining in the last few weeks has reached an all time high and what has worked in the past is no longer working. So, back to the drawing board. He responds really well to incentives and positive praise. Sticker charts have worked in the past for things like staying in bed and going to bed like a 'big boy', so maybe we can figure out how to use one for whining or the lack of whining.
*Went to get my stitches out today and found out my arm is infected, so 10 days of antibiotics here I come. . . . .just hoping my arm is healed by the time I have to have the excision on my back. . .if not, I do not know how I will sleep since my first one was on my left arm and the one on my back is on my back/right side. Oh well, I am so very thankful to be catching this stuff now.
Well, that is the end of my random post - have a great weekend!
WARNING: Random Post
*I am working at my 2nd seasonal job at a greenhouse tomorrow and Sunday, but if the weather is crummy, I may not be working as long. Either way, it is a fun job and although I miss the kids a ton, I still get time with them both days-just not as much as normal weekends.
*Some friends are coming to stay with us tonight. Jason is running on a relay team for the Fargo Marathon - better him than me! They have 2 little boys, so the kids should have a blast playing together.
*Last night we learned why having a birthday party in the evening right up until bedtime is a bad idea. . . . let's just say that after a few "I can't believe I just did that" moments in parenting, taking away a toy for today and countless times out of bed, Isaac fell asleep around 8:50pm. . . . ugh.
We are struggling with how to deal with a few certain behaviors - whining being the main one. Isaac is such a good kid and I have said before, I think that almost makes his bad behavior worse because we are just not used to it! His whining in the last few weeks has reached an all time high and what has worked in the past is no longer working. So, back to the drawing board. He responds really well to incentives and positive praise. Sticker charts have worked in the past for things like staying in bed and going to bed like a 'big boy', so maybe we can figure out how to use one for whining or the lack of whining.
*Went to get my stitches out today and found out my arm is infected, so 10 days of antibiotics here I come. . . . .just hoping my arm is healed by the time I have to have the excision on my back. . .if not, I do not know how I will sleep since my first one was on my left arm and the one on my back is on my back/right side. Oh well, I am so very thankful to be catching this stuff now.
Well, that is the end of my random post - have a great weekend!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Surreal
At this point 3 years ago, I was in a surreal place. I had just hit the call button and when the nurse's voice came through I said, "Um, I have a question about my son-could someone come down here?"
My son.
Wow-saying those words for the first time the morning he was born felt so strange. I thought the nurse would come in and say, "You don't have a son, that was just a dream!"
Of course that day and for many after I had lots and lots and lots of questions. Should he be making those noises when he sleeps? Should he really be spitting up this much? Did he really have to pee on my toast and poop on my pants simultaneously our first night at home?
But that feeling of having a son - of being a parent - still at times feels so surreal.
Especially today, on his 3rd birthday. How am I the mom to a 3 year old little boy who is the most intelligent, kind, inquisitive, impatient boy I know?
He amazes me everyday with the things he asks and the knowledge he absorbs. He is independent and yet needs to know that we are there always encouraging, watching, praising him. He is a great big brother and is so gentle with Piper - except of course when she has something he wants.
He loves to read bible stories - especially the one about "dem bones" (Ezekiel) - and he has his nightly prayer memorized.
"Dear Jesus, Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Piper, Marley, Grandpa Paul, Grandma Liz, Grandpa Leo, Michelle, Mike, Lorrie, Samantha, Clay, Zachary, Matthew, Olivia, Gail, Ryan, Riley, Jacob, Joy, Mary, Steve, Samuel, Frederik, Samuel's Grandma & Grandpa, Ian, Khloe, Kahlea, Grace, Holly, Isabelle, Max, Isla, Levi, Amanda, Alyssa, Melissa, Cory, Harry, Maggie, Shane & Jill and everyone who loves me. In Jesus name, Amen!"
Isaac Mark I love you more than words could ever express. You are the delight of my heart and I pray daily that God draws you to Him and that He teaches your Daddy and me how to guide you through this life. You are a blessing to everyone you meet. Have a wonderful 3rd birthday, Bubba!
My son.
Wow-saying those words for the first time the morning he was born felt so strange. I thought the nurse would come in and say, "You don't have a son, that was just a dream!"
Of course that day and for many after I had lots and lots and lots of questions. Should he be making those noises when he sleeps? Should he really be spitting up this much? Did he really have to pee on my toast and poop on my pants simultaneously our first night at home?
But that feeling of having a son - of being a parent - still at times feels so surreal.
Especially today, on his 3rd birthday. How am I the mom to a 3 year old little boy who is the most intelligent, kind, inquisitive, impatient boy I know?
He amazes me everyday with the things he asks and the knowledge he absorbs. He is independent and yet needs to know that we are there always encouraging, watching, praising him. He is a great big brother and is so gentle with Piper - except of course when she has something he wants.
He loves to read bible stories - especially the one about "dem bones" (Ezekiel) - and he has his nightly prayer memorized.
"Dear Jesus, Thank you for Mommy, Daddy, Piper, Marley, Grandpa Paul, Grandma Liz, Grandpa Leo, Michelle, Mike, Lorrie, Samantha, Clay, Zachary, Matthew, Olivia, Gail, Ryan, Riley, Jacob, Joy, Mary, Steve, Samuel, Frederik, Samuel's Grandma & Grandpa, Ian, Khloe, Kahlea, Grace, Holly, Isabelle, Max, Isla, Levi, Amanda, Alyssa, Melissa, Cory, Harry, Maggie, Shane & Jill and everyone who loves me. In Jesus name, Amen!"
Isaac Mark I love you more than words could ever express. You are the delight of my heart and I pray daily that God draws you to Him and that He teaches your Daddy and me how to guide you through this life. You are a blessing to everyone you meet. Have a wonderful 3rd birthday, Bubba!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
Did you guys ever watch that show? I used to watch it after school. . . and then there was another show too that I watched that had a lady cop in it. . .maybe. . .totally blanking out on the name-help anyone? Anywho, that is a totally random thought, but it fits perfectly with my life lately.
Just a run down of where I have been, what I have been doing. These are listed in no particular order.
1) The Puke Fest of 2011
This event started with my lovely daughter puking up spaghetti all over her crib one Friday night. . . . and then she continued to puke. . . .one key thing to note is that earlier in the evening she had smashed her head on a hard plastic corner of a bin in the living room (yes, we had an empty, totally pointless, bin out in the living room. Why? Why not???). And of course as all slightly neurotic mothers know, if a child pukes more than 2 times after hitting their head, you need to have them looked at-so a phone call was made to my parents who came over to stay with Isaac (who thankfully slept through all of this) and Mark & I were off to the ER with Piper. Oh did I mention she puked in the van on the way to the hospital? And then again while we were sitting in the waiting room? And again once we got back in the room to see the sweet ER doc?? Yes, it was quite a night.
By the time we got to the ER she had a fever, so the doctor figured it was something viral and just a coincidence that she had hit her head, but he wanted to be sure, so off to get a CT scan we went. I will not tell you what an awful experience that was. . . .everything from me having to pin down my child to the incredibly rude, obnoxious, jerk of a CT tech guy who was 'helping' us (and yes, he did glare at me when I was unable to hold my screaming, terrified, 18 month old child perfectly still while a loud, large, scary looking machine circled around her head-my apologies you giant jerk). If you haven't noticed, I may have some unresolved anger at that man. But, thankfully we got it done (with Mark & I holding Piper down-yeah, I didn't sleep that night because I kept seeing her horrified face) and the tests showed she was fine. So, we took her home and she slept on and off all night.
Cue Saturday morning. . . . Isaac spikes a temp and Piper keeps puking, so off I went to Walgreen's to fill her prescription of Zofran and we tucked in for a day of sick kids. Little did we know that this was just the beginning.
To make this incredibly long story and even longer week short, I will summarize by saying that I got sick Sunday and by the end of the week we (and by we I mostly mean Mark) had cleaned up more puke and diarrhea than any person should ever have to deal with. It.Was.AWFUL. The only one not to get sick was Mark, but we both missed a week of work. Some people take vacations-our family gets sick.
2) Dave Ramsey gazelle intense debt pay off.
This event has started with me getting a seasonal 2nd job. I work at a greenhouse for about 8 weeks this summer - it is so fun!! I love being outside and working with so many different people. It also makes for a very, very crazy schedule and not a lot of family time. But it is only for a season and we know that being debt free is so very important to our future.
3) Volunteering
I have taken a pretty big volunteer role for an event that is coming to our area this fall. This is in an area that I used to dream about doing and so having the opportunity to do it, well, it's like God is giving me some of my dreams back. I am sure I will be talking more about this event as it gets closer, but it is the opportunity to share the Gospel with people in a real, relevant, culturally current way. It is bringing churches from all denominations together for one goal and purpose, setting aside theological differences for the ultimate goal of reaching people, specifically young people, with the Gospel and the love of Christ.
4) C-word
I went to my dermatologist a month or so ago to have him check out 3 moles. I am a moley (not sure if that is a word) person and have had moles removed before-they all check out fine, no big deal. But, my chiropractor and an urgent care doc had both said I should get this one particular mole checked out. So, in I went, off they came and they said they would send me a letter or call with the results. Okay I thought and put it our of my mind. Fast forward a few days and I get a call from dermatology. She says we have the results and proceeds to tell me the first 2 moles are fine, but the 3rd (actually 3rd & 4th since what I thought was 1 mole was actually 2) were moderately atypical and the doctor would like you to come back in so he can do an excision. Ummm, okay. She said, "It's not cancer, but it could become cancer. . . or it could stay how it is forever, but we just like to be cautious." Ummmmm, okay. And so off I went a week later to have an excision (which I had no idea what they were going to do). When I got to my appt., my doctor explained that if white is not cancer and black is cancer, my cells in this mole were gray. And sometimes cells are mildly gray and sometimes cells are moderately gray. Guess which I had? Yep. . . so he cut a big chunk out of my arm along with some healthy cells so that they could test and make sure they got everything. He also took a sample of another mole on my back to biopsy. This was last Friday. I got a call yesterday (I am starting to dread phone calls from a certain phone number) and the great news is they got all the "pre-cancer" cells from my arm. . . .the not so great news is that the one on my back is moderately atypical and so I need to have another excision. . . . and I found another mole that has been changing so they will biopsy that one as well when I go in. The doctor said the more you atypical moles you have, the closer they watch you, but it doesn't mean I am guaranteed to get cancer.
The crazy thing about all this is that I really am at peace. . . .and most people wouldn't describe me as a calm, peaceful person in times of stress. But I am truly resting in the Lord and understanding that He knows what is going on. I also know that He is my Healer.
5)-8) Garage Sale, Travel, Family Visiting, Birthday
We had a garage sale that we decided to do at the last minute-not fun to be pricing things at midnight (which is why all the baby clothes were $.50!!). But we had a great turn out - debt be gone!!
Mark & I are going out of town tomorrow morning and the kids are staying with Grandma & Grandpa-I haven't packed a single thing and we are leaving the house at 6:15 tomorrow morning.
Mark's sister is coming into town tonight - our house is well, less than company ready, so it's a good thing she's family!!
And Isaac's 3rd b-day is next week. . . and I just started planning it this week.
So. . . .that is where I have been. Whew!
Just a run down of where I have been, what I have been doing. These are listed in no particular order.
1) The Puke Fest of 2011
This event started with my lovely daughter puking up spaghetti all over her crib one Friday night. . . . and then she continued to puke. . . .one key thing to note is that earlier in the evening she had smashed her head on a hard plastic corner of a bin in the living room (yes, we had an empty, totally pointless, bin out in the living room. Why? Why not???). And of course as all slightly neurotic mothers know, if a child pukes more than 2 times after hitting their head, you need to have them looked at-so a phone call was made to my parents who came over to stay with Isaac (who thankfully slept through all of this) and Mark & I were off to the ER with Piper. Oh did I mention she puked in the van on the way to the hospital? And then again while we were sitting in the waiting room? And again once we got back in the room to see the sweet ER doc?? Yes, it was quite a night.
By the time we got to the ER she had a fever, so the doctor figured it was something viral and just a coincidence that she had hit her head, but he wanted to be sure, so off to get a CT scan we went. I will not tell you what an awful experience that was. . . .everything from me having to pin down my child to the incredibly rude, obnoxious, jerk of a CT tech guy who was 'helping' us (and yes, he did glare at me when I was unable to hold my screaming, terrified, 18 month old child perfectly still while a loud, large, scary looking machine circled around her head-my apologies you giant jerk). If you haven't noticed, I may have some unresolved anger at that man. But, thankfully we got it done (with Mark & I holding Piper down-yeah, I didn't sleep that night because I kept seeing her horrified face) and the tests showed she was fine. So, we took her home and she slept on and off all night.
Cue Saturday morning. . . . Isaac spikes a temp and Piper keeps puking, so off I went to Walgreen's to fill her prescription of Zofran and we tucked in for a day of sick kids. Little did we know that this was just the beginning.
To make this incredibly long story and even longer week short, I will summarize by saying that I got sick Sunday and by the end of the week we (and by we I mostly mean Mark) had cleaned up more puke and diarrhea than any person should ever have to deal with. It.Was.AWFUL. The only one not to get sick was Mark, but we both missed a week of work. Some people take vacations-our family gets sick.
2) Dave Ramsey gazelle intense debt pay off.
This event has started with me getting a seasonal 2nd job. I work at a greenhouse for about 8 weeks this summer - it is so fun!! I love being outside and working with so many different people. It also makes for a very, very crazy schedule and not a lot of family time. But it is only for a season and we know that being debt free is so very important to our future.
3) Volunteering
I have taken a pretty big volunteer role for an event that is coming to our area this fall. This is in an area that I used to dream about doing and so having the opportunity to do it, well, it's like God is giving me some of my dreams back. I am sure I will be talking more about this event as it gets closer, but it is the opportunity to share the Gospel with people in a real, relevant, culturally current way. It is bringing churches from all denominations together for one goal and purpose, setting aside theological differences for the ultimate goal of reaching people, specifically young people, with the Gospel and the love of Christ.
4) C-word
I went to my dermatologist a month or so ago to have him check out 3 moles. I am a moley (not sure if that is a word) person and have had moles removed before-they all check out fine, no big deal. But, my chiropractor and an urgent care doc had both said I should get this one particular mole checked out. So, in I went, off they came and they said they would send me a letter or call with the results. Okay I thought and put it our of my mind. Fast forward a few days and I get a call from dermatology. She says we have the results and proceeds to tell me the first 2 moles are fine, but the 3rd (actually 3rd & 4th since what I thought was 1 mole was actually 2) were moderately atypical and the doctor would like you to come back in so he can do an excision. Ummm, okay. She said, "It's not cancer, but it could become cancer. . . or it could stay how it is forever, but we just like to be cautious." Ummmmm, okay. And so off I went a week later to have an excision (which I had no idea what they were going to do). When I got to my appt., my doctor explained that if white is not cancer and black is cancer, my cells in this mole were gray. And sometimes cells are mildly gray and sometimes cells are moderately gray. Guess which I had? Yep. . . so he cut a big chunk out of my arm along with some healthy cells so that they could test and make sure they got everything. He also took a sample of another mole on my back to biopsy. This was last Friday. I got a call yesterday (I am starting to dread phone calls from a certain phone number) and the great news is they got all the "pre-cancer" cells from my arm. . . .the not so great news is that the one on my back is moderately atypical and so I need to have another excision. . . . and I found another mole that has been changing so they will biopsy that one as well when I go in. The doctor said the more you atypical moles you have, the closer they watch you, but it doesn't mean I am guaranteed to get cancer.
The crazy thing about all this is that I really am at peace. . . .and most people wouldn't describe me as a calm, peaceful person in times of stress. But I am truly resting in the Lord and understanding that He knows what is going on. I also know that He is my Healer.
5)-8) Garage Sale, Travel, Family Visiting, Birthday
We had a garage sale that we decided to do at the last minute-not fun to be pricing things at midnight (which is why all the baby clothes were $.50!!). But we had a great turn out - debt be gone!!
Mark & I are going out of town tomorrow morning and the kids are staying with Grandma & Grandpa-I haven't packed a single thing and we are leaving the house at 6:15 tomorrow morning.
Mark's sister is coming into town tonight - our house is well, less than company ready, so it's a good thing she's family!!
And Isaac's 3rd b-day is next week. . . and I just started planning it this week.
So. . . .that is where I have been. Whew!
Friday, April 29, 2011
What do you want?
I am here - just trying to catch my breath from all the stuff that has been happening. I would love to post what all we have been up to, but I don't have time right now! ha!
What I would love though is to hear from you (if anyone is left. . .hello?).
I want to hear what you want me to write about. Do you have any questions for me? Suggestions, ideas, comments, etc. . . . all are welcome!
So, let me hear from you!
And I promise to be back to my regular blogging schedule, sooner than later, I hope!
What I would love though is to hear from you (if anyone is left. . .hello?).
I want to hear what you want me to write about. Do you have any questions for me? Suggestions, ideas, comments, etc. . . . all are welcome!
So, let me hear from you!
And I promise to be back to my regular blogging schedule, sooner than later, I hope!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Everybody Pukes. . .
. . .I am alive and kicking. . . although I will say if I never, ever in a million years have to smell vomit again. . . . I will die a happy woman.
More to come on our last 7 days (yes, 7) in the Jacobson household.
More to come on our last 7 days (yes, 7) in the Jacobson household.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Seeking the Dreamer
I know it has been a while since my last post. I also know I have yet to share my outrageous hair pics and since I just got a pretty drastic haircut the other day, I will try to post of picture of that too.
BUT. . . . can I just tell on God for a little bit? I try my hardest for this blog to be real and open and about who I really am and who I am trying to become. I am a wife, mother, employee, woman who loves to read, hates to clean, is a wee bit sarcastic every now and again andoften occasionally sticks her foot in her mouth. I am also a Christian, which should define me more than any other role.
I love to dream. Ask my parents. As a child/teenager, I had HUGE dreams and plans. . . but would be unable to get my homework for the next day done. Too much head in the clouds and too little feet on the ground.
I would love to say I have learned better and in a lot of ways I have. But I think what has changed more is my dreams. I tend to dream realistically now. I dream of the day the kids go to school, the day we can go on a big all out family vacation, I dream of my kids getting married, having babies. I dream of Mark & I traveling when we are empty-nesters.
In the past few months I have felt a drawing to something more. More of what, I don't know. But recent events have caused me to look back to a time in my life where I dreamed really big dreams and I wonder if God has plans for me in that.
I was recently talking to a youth pastor from Ohio who said to me, "Seek the Dreamer and He will restore your dreams."
God is the ultimate Dreamer. He dreams about us before we were born, He dreams about our future. I have to believe that God gifts us with our gifts and callings for a purpose and the dreams He gives line up with those gifts.
I too often have sought after the dream, instead of the Dreamer. I want my dreams, the realistic, the huge, the small, and the crazy all to line up with the Dreamer.
I have started to more intentionally seek the Dreamer and in the last few weeks, I feel like God is restoring my dreams. God has moved me in some small ways and some big ways to get me where He wants me. My prayer is to continue to seek the Dreamer as I work towards my dreams. My prayer is that I would be a reflection of Him in everything I do.
Who do you seek? What do you dream?
BUT. . . . can I just tell on God for a little bit? I try my hardest for this blog to be real and open and about who I really am and who I am trying to become. I am a wife, mother, employee, woman who loves to read, hates to clean, is a wee bit sarcastic every now and again and
I love to dream. Ask my parents. As a child/teenager, I had HUGE dreams and plans. . . but would be unable to get my homework for the next day done. Too much head in the clouds and too little feet on the ground.
I would love to say I have learned better and in a lot of ways I have. But I think what has changed more is my dreams. I tend to dream realistically now. I dream of the day the kids go to school, the day we can go on a big all out family vacation, I dream of my kids getting married, having babies. I dream of Mark & I traveling when we are empty-nesters.
In the past few months I have felt a drawing to something more. More of what, I don't know. But recent events have caused me to look back to a time in my life where I dreamed really big dreams and I wonder if God has plans for me in that.
I was recently talking to a youth pastor from Ohio who said to me, "Seek the Dreamer and He will restore your dreams."
God is the ultimate Dreamer. He dreams about us before we were born, He dreams about our future. I have to believe that God gifts us with our gifts and callings for a purpose and the dreams He gives line up with those gifts.
I too often have sought after the dream, instead of the Dreamer. I want my dreams, the realistic, the huge, the small, and the crazy all to line up with the Dreamer.
I have started to more intentionally seek the Dreamer and in the last few weeks, I feel like God is restoring my dreams. God has moved me in some small ways and some big ways to get me where He wants me. My prayer is to continue to seek the Dreamer as I work towards my dreams. My prayer is that I would be a reflection of Him in everything I do.
Who do you seek? What do you dream?
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