A truck, forgiveness and the Father's heart

I had an interesting experience this morning.  As I dropped kids off at daycare today, Mary told Isaac he could keep his coat on because he needed to go out back and put away the truck he left out yesterday.  I found out that he told her he had put away. 

His face was almost disbelieving that he had to go out and do that, but then it hit him that he had lied and that Mary & I were disappointed in his choice. 

He dutifully walked around to the backyard and put the truck away and then came back inside.  His face when he came in made me want to hug him and say everything is okay, but instead I kindly, but firmly (I hope) told him to go say sorry to Mary for lying.  He buried his head in my legs and asked me to go with him.  I said I would.  He still didn't move - you could feel fear coming from him.  I quietly told him that Mary would forgive him and that he needed to say sorry.  So we went up the stairs and Isaac quietly said "Sorry", to which Mary quickly and graciously responded, "I forgive you Isaac." 

Wow, it was so hard to watch my sweet boy reap the consequences of sin.  Because we can use any other word, lying, being naughty, bad behaviour, etc., but the truth of the matter is that what he did was sin. 

After Mary said she forgave him and I was getting ready to go, I could tell Isaac was still pretty sober and somewhat hesitant to go to Mary and start the day.  I was so thankful that I had the opportunity to teach him about forgiveness in the midst of this.  I told him that when he said sorry and Mary forgave him; it means that she is no longer upset and she forgets about what he did.

He settled into the couch to read a book with Mary and the other kids and as I drove away I saw his smiling face waving at me.  That did my heart a world of good knowing that Mary did the right thing holding Isaac accountable and I did the right thing by not diminishing his behavior. . . but man it was hard!!

I continue to ponder this situation today and the emotions it envokes in me.

Does God's heart hurt as much as mine did watching Isaac reap the consequences (however small) of his sin?  Does God want to leap in and say, "No, it's okay, don't worry about it" so that we (His children) don't feel that pain of discipline, even though He know we need it?  Deuteronomy 8:5 says, "Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the LORD your God disciplines you for your own good."  

I don't have an answer, but I do know that I am thankful for God's forgiveness through Jesus Christ.  I am thankful that I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children who daily teach me more about God and challenge me.  I am thankful for Mary, who loves (disciplines), cares (corrects) and prays for our kids. 

Oh and parenting is tough. End of story.

Random thoughts

It has been a while since I have written.  No reason other than our crazy life took over for a while!  We went to the lake with my parents, brother and his boys over the 4th of July weekend and we had a blast!  It still takes me a while to get my brain used to the idea that now with children vacation does not equal relaxation, it means a HECK of a lot more work.  But, that being said, we still had lots of fun (my attitude was a big part of this, I think).

Honestly I would love to post some pics and tell you more about it, but I am so bone tired it is scary.  Parents, do you ever get frustrated by how tired you get just in the course of your everyday life with kids, work, house, etc.?  I hate it!!  I mean, I love spending time with my kids and we make it a priority to spend as much time as we can with them once we get home from work. . . but, whew!  I am tired by the time the kiddos are sleeping I have little to no energy to do much of anything.  I started running last week because looking 4 months pregnant all the time is not a good look. . . . and I am not exaggerating about that.  A guy stopped in my office a few months ago and I had not seen him in a while and he came in and said, "Oh, your expecting another baby?"  I said (as nicely as I could without crying), "Nope, I had her already, she is 5 months old. . . . ."  Of course he felt bad, but um, yeah . . . .I felt worse.  But it still took me another 4 months to really do anything about it other than feel sorry for myself!  I say all that to say, what energy I do have in the evenings I have been trying to devote to running.

I love reading other blogs and it was so fun to day to read what everyone did over the 4th and all the cute ways they decorated their house, food, car, bike, etc.  I read blogs like that and think, "Man, I wish I could be like that. . . all creative and the type to plan ahead and not at the last minute think CRAP I need to bring potato salad so let's run by Hornbacher's and get some on the way to the lake!"  But I am also learning (some days better than others) that I cannot compare myself to others in anyway.  I am a unique person and being myself is hard enough some days without the added pressure to be like everyone else too.  Do other moms ever feel that way?  Do we intentionally try to make ourselves look like supermom when inside we are really just one step away from being 'that lady' that everyone whispers about?  I have yet to hear a mom honestly say that she has 12 loads of laundry to do, dishes overflowing in her sink and toys everywhere in the house.  Oh and dinner. . .it's mac and cheese again. . .for the 3rd time that week.  I am guilty too. . . . I so often try to act like I am a much more put together mom than I actually am.  I am still learning this art of being a parent and some days feel like the learning curve is too high.

One final thought. . . . my 2 year old wipes his mouth off every time I give him a kiss.  I thought that wasn't supposed to happen until grade school?!?!?!?