Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I was reading a blog I follow (can you tell by now that I love to read blogs?) and it was a great post about friendships and how important they are for women and it gave some great ideas for finding and building new relationships.  One thing that struck me though was a comment from another reader about how the workplace is a great place to meet friends and the author of the blog commented back saying yes that's true and how she was thinking more of SAHM who are so isolated.  She went on to say that she figured most women who work had lots of friends through the workplace. 

I have followed this particular blog long enough to get to know the heart of the author and I know she is a sweetheart with a big heart.  I found it interesting though at the misconception she seemed to have about friendships in the workplace and that got me thinking about the misconceptions in general between moms who work outside the home (WM) and moms who work inside the home (SAHM). 

Having been in both of these roles in my life I think I have a good handle on the great parts of both and the really difficult parts of both, but I also find myself at times thinking, "Oh those SAHM have it so easy!"  And yet I know that is not true, just like it is not true that I have it so easy because I can "drop my kids at daycare and go to work and have wonderful adult conversation, come home, have a delightful evening and joyfully put my kids to bed." 

So, I would love to hear responses from WM and SAHM alike.  What do you feel are some misconceptions about your role?  What is your greatest joy about your choice and what is the most difficult part?  I am working on future post (and article) about this subject too, so I may be using some of your ideas for that (I will ask you first and will not use names). 

I opened up comments to allow anonymous comments for this post, so if you are more comfortable leaving an anonymous comment, please do!  Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you all!


Valerie said...

As you already know, I'm a SAH of almost 9 years. Raising my kids this way is something I've always wanted. It fulfills what I feel like is my purpose in life. Yes, rough days are included in that picture, but I would not feel as fulfilled in Motherhood as a WM. Creating real, meaningful adult relationships is tough in any setting, but I don't feel at all as isolated as I did at first. Like anything you desire in your life, you MAKE time for it. Isolation is by choice, I think. You have to step outside the box and create opportunities to meet people, schedule a ladies night (and KEEP it), have your Mom friends over for breakfast on a Tues, or volunteer at school. I've made wonderful friends over the yrs, and that's great for ME, but my purpose (creating a what I believe is strong foundation for my children) remains priority. I feel like I'd be more fulfilled in a job or running a small business when the kids are older. But maintaining who I am as "Mom", & who I am as "Valerie" is a delicate balance that can easily get overloaded on one side if you let it. Every woman is different, every kid is different, and only that Mom knows in her heart what is best for her family.
That's just my perspective. Great topic! Love reading your blog...

Christy said...

Thanks for commenting Valerie! I agree that it takes effort to create and build friendships - regardless of whether you are a WM or SAHM. By the way, I am anxiously awaiting your kitchen reveal!

d e v a n said...

I liked this post. In general, I just feel like moms are undervalued. (sahm, wohm, wahm, ALL moms)
The one thing I hate the most about being a sahm is the criticism from some people that I "have lots of free time," "don't have a REAL job," or "am wasting my degree."

(which was in early childhood education, so... haha.)

Anonymous said...

I love being a SAHM, but I absolutely miss being a WM. Can one enjoy both worlds? Probably not.

I miss the interaction with others and the sense of helping a lot of people while doing my job as a paralegal. I miss the learning part of my job, and the constant hustle and bustle of meeting deadlines. What I do not miss is the office drama. In my former office, which was full of ladies, there was so much drama....that I do not miss. And nope, can't say that I developed any friendships there even after 10 years of employment.

What I love about being a SAHM is just spending time with my daughter and teaching her things. She is such a sponge (which can be a good and bad thing), and when she learns something new, or laughs and says "Mommy, that was funny"! I am rejuvenated all over again.

Valerie said...

Interesting stuff. Wish more would comment on's neat to see other Mom's views.

The kitchen is getting there girl, hang on...;)Got a new dining table today! Yippie!

Christy said...

@Devan - I hear you about "having tons of free time!" When I first stayed home, a lot of my WM friends would say, "Wow, what do you do with all your free time?" If they weren't friends, I would have punched them in the face! ;)
@Anonymous (I know who you are-he he!) - if you can have both, I haven't discovered how yet. And yet I do know that you can have peace about your choice, whatever it may be.
@Val - yes I want more people to comment. . . bunch of shy folks out there! A few have commented on FB too-I think it is really interesting to hear different perspectives.
Thanks everyone for commenting! I will continue to watch for comments for another week or so and then wrap this up.