Wednesday, March 9, 2011

10 Things I Like More Than. . . .

. . .Going To The Dentist:

10) Bra shopping. Ladies, enough said.

9)  Having my picture taken.  For those who know me. . . yeah, enough said.

8)  Riding in a cargo van squished between 2 smelly people for 10+ hours.

7)  Packing.

6)  Unpacking.

5)  Long car rides with my children.  For those who know my children. . . you understand what I am saying.

4)  Cleaning the toy room.

3)  Cleaning the van.

2)  Cleaning the bathroom.

1)  Cleaning. . . . in general (you had to know this was coming after the last 3).  Again, for those who know me and maybe more importantly, for those who have stopped by unannounced you know how true this is.

I went to the dentist today.

Who, for the sake of fairness, is the nicest lady in the world and her hygienists are super sweet and professional. 

BUT - it was still the dentist.  And I have a high gag reflex and horror stories in my memory from going to the dentist, so it is not a great experience for me. 

It has honestly gotten better in the last few years since going to our current dentist, but still not an appointment I look forward too.  If any little thing comes up to give me an excuse to reschedule my appointment (like. . . a sale anywhere, the sky looking too gray, bad hair day, etc.) I will do so.

My memories of going to the dentist are just a few.  I did my standard twice a year cleaning, but my memories are centered around two events.

I hated sitting in the waiting room and hearing that suction thing.  You know the one they ask you to close your mouth around to suck out all the saliva, water, your soul?  That sound to this day makes me nauseous.  I would rather change 1000 nasty poopy diapers than listen to that sound, much less have it IN MY MOUTH!  I gag like crazy.

My second memory is of having fluoride treatment.  I remember as a child waiting and wishing to turn 16.  Not so I could date or get my driver's license.  But so that I no longer would have to get fluoride treatment.  In my mind it is a dentist's way to torture you for having bad breath, not flossing morning and night (seriously, what child does that?) and not brushing after every meal (again, who does this?). 

But the worst part of this treatment was the flavors.  I would love to meet the genius who said, "Hmm, let's take this horrible paste, with its horrible texture, that we put in this Styrofoam tray and make it bubble gum or strawberry flavored (or whatever other disgusting flavor they could think of) and ruin those flavors for a child for life."

Apparently when I was 13 or 14 my mind/body gave up the fight against the gag reflex and I threw up while having those awful trays in my mouth.  Sound disgusting?  Try being there.  After that the dentist said I didn't have to have fluoride treatment anymore.  Apparently they have a limit for how much they can endure as well.

So because of these experiences, I am a dentist's worst nightmare as a patient.  I ask to not close my mouth around the suction thing and I ask for mint toothpaste for when they polish my teeth (again, what is with the fruit flavors).  I grimace and try to think of my happy place as they are cleaning my teeth. 

I tip my hat to my dentist - she is patient with me, understanding and even laughs at my stories (but who wouldn't, right?).  I finally told her one time that although I still dislike going to the dentist, I really like coming to see her. 

Feel free to share your horror stories - and yes, I know I'm crazy.

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